I know… Its been along time… Again… No excuses. One 4 letter word will explain it all: Life!
But that is just it. Life happens to everyone. I think some times though it’s easier to get frustrated at what others do not do and not see or know what might be happening in their life. We can easily get our feelings hurt. We all have things. For me, I learned that my personal mental health and wellness can’t be wrapped up in what others are assuming I intend or mean by what I do or do not do or by what I am included or not included in. I had a friend earlier this year that seems to have stopped being my friend, hurt by not getting invited to something that I hosted. I meant no ill will however, as my husband and I were talking about it he reminded me that I/we had been invited only to special events by this person. We had never been invited to dinner or to come hang out “just because”. I started thinking about it more. I have a lot of family and friends. My phone doesn’t ring with a hey just checking on you call or just to see how my day or week is going with any regularity. My text messages aren’t filled with little catching up or touching base messages. I don’t always know what is happening until I see the world of social media get an update too. But that is okay. My life is crazy busy and I assume others are too. I no longer get hurt because I too have other friends, get busy and just sometimes go weeks or months without coming up for air.
And to kick the hornets nest we all have gotten comfortable hiding behind texts and social media. Maybe hiding isn’t the right word. But if we are honest its easier to drop an update or quick emoji or text then take the time to connect. Are we asking , hey is there a good night for you to come for dinner? How about grabbing a cup of coffee?
After all isn’t connecting what we want? Can we really be upset when we don’t get the responses or engagement we think we should when we ourselves haven’t invested in the relationship?
A few of us were discussing this the other night about the strain in relation to family dynamics with absent parents and extended family who then get hurt when special times role around but they haven’t tried to build a relationship the other 360 days in the year. Isn’t it okay to say look, you don’t call me either or say hey what’s up? Isn’t it okay to say Hey you missed some things that mattered to me too ? Isn’t it okay to say that what matters to me and my personal and mental well being are just as important? That I too have LIFE that happens and maybe just maybe its not always a dig or throwing shade or whatever it is you assume. IF we are honest that is…
Everyone does life and it won’t always look like we think it should but that is because its their life. It is shaped by the way they react to things going on in their past, present or what they perceive is to come. It doesn’t have to look like mine. It surely won’t look like mine. That sure can be hard but, that is okay.
And yes… I know … you might sit there saying “will if it was important” or “if I was important” or “that’s excuses”. Challenge yourself – do you do the very things with regularity that you are frustrated with someone else for not doing? I know I sure don’t. Days go by in a blur of routine that turns into weeks and months without real connection until the next birthday or holiday. Just maybe that is all it is. If there is more to it well then don’t we have to start by examining ourselves first, honestly?
Personal reflection : I started this year with the word Intentional as my word for 2019. It was supposed to look different then it has turned out. That word took on a new meaning for me this year and I have been coping and handling the best that I can. What I thought “intentional” would mean morphed. I think I will hold on to the word for 2020. I have a feeling there is a lot more to learn and ways to grow and if I needed a year to just realize the lessons I learned this year then I wouldn’t change a thing. I am doing the best I can.
Living my best life.