2017- I keep growing

Lessons I learned (and keep learning) :  Not everything that offends, hurts my feelings or makes me mad is wrong 
Let me explain: I won’t always like everything I hear or see or happens around or to me. And it won’t always be that it’s wrong , mean, hurtful, etc. that the other person needs payback or consequences, my wrath, etc 
Sometimes it is that it struck a cord of truth and maybe I am supposed to learn from it. Maybe I am supposed to glean, sift through , discarding some but not necessarily all. 

Deeper still: sometimes it’s the things that ruffle my feathers the most that if I look close enough may be designed to reveal a character defect in me. Maybe I do something similar. Maybe I am (gasp) not perfect, guilty of my own offenses and wrongs too.
I share this to say I am learning to stop being Debbie Downer, stop being SuZie Stress-outer, stop being Wendy Whiner , or Connie complainer ! 👍 you get the point

I am learning to take a 10 second window, to exam what just happened and dissect it, exam the teaching, the word, the action – what ever it is and see what truth could be held there, what does the word say? What do I need to learn from it? What do I need to allow to change me and what do I need to let go? 
Results: I am a much happier person then the one that feels like the world is set to hurt me, finding offense at every turn, hopping around from church to church or job to job or friendship to friendship waiting for the perfect place. I am learning that an imperfect place stretches me – I am an imperfect person surrounded by imperfect people and that pushes me into a deeper place with my creator. When I ask to see every single thing through His eyes I can start to see the hurt place that may have prompted someone else’s actions or attitudes – it doesn’t by any means justify it or make it right but it does allow me to see them as He does and to see how I can react instead of act similar at times. It allows me to push closer, to extend and receive forgiveness and grace. Less prideful response from me means more of Him. The result for me is a much happier life. By far not perfect but happier and blessed -and bonus – I’m way less co dependent then ever before but that’s a thought to share another time 
Hope this lesson touches someone else too
Thanks for letting me share

Power

I saw this picture on my friends Facebook page the other day and was moved. Here in the midst of these mighty waves stands the light house.  To me it speaks to the things the Lord has been showing me, to pursue peace by right perspective.  To keep my eyes on Him.  A thousand or more correct choices a day.  Persistent choices.  Purposeful choices. No matter the storms that are ranging around me or just life full of its diversions and distractions.    He is not merely a temporary retreat.  If I take where I am right now and see it through His eyes, knowing that in this place is something I need to learn.  I need to be attentive to keep my focus and perspective.

In this place I find peace regardless of the waves that crash around me.

He is my lighthouse

Psalm 46
1 God is our refuge and strength,
always ready to help in times of trouble.
2 So we will not fear when earthquakes come
and the mountains crumble into the sea.
3 Let the oceans roar and foam.
Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge! Interlude
4 A river brings joy to the city of our God,
the sacred home of the Most High.
5 God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed.
From the very break of day, God will protect it.
6 The nations are in chaos,
and their kingdoms crumble!
God’s voice thunders,
and the earth melts!
7 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;
the God of Israel[b] is our fortress. Interlude
8 Come, see the glorious works of the Lord:
See how he brings destruction upon the world.
9 He causes wars to end throughout the earth.
He breaks the bow and snaps the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God!
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world.”
11 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;
the God of Israel is our fortress.

Negative Focus

He has to renew my mind because I can not.  I am flawed and lack focus.  Well correction.  I can focus on the wrong things. I can focus on the problem not the solution. I can spin in circles draining my joy trying to master the problem, make it make sense, understand it and still find no way to control it.

“A renewed mind is Presence-focused.” That comes from a daily renewing of my mind.

Not every mountain is mine to climb.  Not every problem is mine to solve.  At the last minute there may be a detour and if I am focused too far ahead I have wasted so much time and energy that I fall out of focus on the today, on the now.  He ALWAYS makes provision, I have to seek Him, renew in Him, focus on Him and stay immersed, in Him.

The result is I lose my Joy and I have days like I had yesterday where I allow outside stuff to steal my peace.  I lose my focus.  I think it was last week I read a devotion on Choosing Joy. 

“. Jesus did not come so that we can merely survive life. Pagans can survive life. Jesus came to be our joy…..Joy is not the result of outward circumstances. Joy is an inside job, a deeply rooted confidence that God is in control. Every trial or loss, every defeat or victory measured against this confidence can be counted as joy….The Apostle Paul was a man of great joy. By human terms, he had every right to be angry and even bitter. Instead, he chose joy. Persecuted, imprisoned and facing His own death, Paul says, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:12-12, NIV)…..We cannot avoid pain but we can avoid joy. Our inward perspective does not have to reflect our outward circumstances. The pursuit of joy is a matter of choice…..

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, a baseball cap on his head, ball and bat in hand. He was muttering, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!” Then he tossed the ball in the air, swung at it, and missed. “Strike one!” He picked up the ball, threw it into the air and said to himself, “I’m the greatest hitter ever!” He swung at the ball again. “Strike two!” He paused, examined his bat and ball and threw the ball into the air, missing a third time. He cried out, “Wow! I’m the greatest pitcher in the world!”

Yes, the pursuit of joy is a matter of choice and perspective. It is also a matter of obedience. As Christians, one of our spiritual priorities should be joy.

“One ship sails east.

One ship sails west.

Regardless of how the winds blow,

It is the set of the sail

And not the gale

That determines the way we go.”

(Author unknown)

Set your sails for joy, girlfriend! Celebrate! Revel in who God is, in what He has done, is doing and will do in your life when you choose joy.”

 

And there it is.  Perspective.  Choice. A matter of obedience.

Keeping it real….today is a new day.

 

Pause

In just one pause, one deep breath, one slow down there can be peace.

….And just like that a few days slip past and I am absorbed back into the chaos and perspective and peace are in my rear view mirror.  Lesson number one for me today- relationships doesn’t take the weekend off.  Lesson number two in direct line with lesson number one- I need to stay dialed in to my pursuit of perspective and peace by staying dialed in to my relationship with God.  Lesson number three- my days are filled with me, an imperfect person, moving through an imperfect world, surrounded by other imperfect people doing less then imperfect things so why expect anything less?

I must keep my perspective on the things that matter- on GOD.  On the one perfect in my imperfect life.  Things seem great I must trust Him.  Things are falling apart I must trust Him.  Its a lazy Saturday afternoon I must trust Him.  Its a world wind Monday I must trust Him.  When my bonus is big I must trust Him. When I don’t know how we will make it through I must trust Him.

I have to build in the pause.  I have to build it in as I start my day and every hour of every day because life is going to through me crap, curve balls, distractions and sometimes even good ones.  I have to have those 10 second windows built in to remember HE is perfect.  To see things through Him.  To ask. To wait. To listen.  To hear.  It is not about my circumstances but about my reactions, about my right responses and the ONLY place I will find those is in the Pause- in the Purposeful Perspective that comes with Peace.

So as I am hurrying to do something last night that was good but not necessary, as I missed my exit and back tracked around, as I walked in to just turn around and walk out, as I grumbled the first 1o minutes of my ride back home I heard that small voice. ” Not everything that is good is worth it and did you even take a moment to pause today?”

Ps 73 21-28

21 Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
    and I was all torn up inside.
²² I was so foolish and ignorant—
    I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
²³ Yet I still belong to you;
    you hold my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
    leading me to a glorious destiny.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
    I desire you more than anything on earth.
²⁶ My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
    but God remains the strength of my heart;
    he is mine forever.

²⁷ Those who desert him will perish,
    for you destroy those who abandon you.
²⁸ But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
    I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
    and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.

New Living Translation (NLT)

Ok to Choose

So if you know me at all you know I love to bake and every single Christmas I bake.  A LOT!  From Frosted sugar cookies to fudge, Santa surprises to chocolate covered pretzels.  Probably about a dozen various special treats and gift them to my family, friends and neighbors (and help my husband need gift exchange because he gained another pant size.)   This past holiday season I did not bake.  Nope. Not one single treat and let me tell you, you would have thought I committed the unpardonable sin.

Let me explain.

The last quarter of 2015 I realized something I have never grasped before (or maybe held so loosely too I let it slip away).  Everything that is good is not profitable.  Everything that I like to do and want to do is not always what is best. I can’t do everything.  Not everything is meant for me to do.

I tried to go full steam ahead, do all the things I think are expected of me and all the things I need to do, all the things other people should be doing and find time for the things I love then I burn myself out.  Add to that being in a desert place spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally and you have a recipe for a meltdown.  I was at capacity and on empty and realized very clearly that if I added one more thing I would be in trouble.

So I choose wisely.

I realized that the things I had no control over were out of control and the things I could control I needed to reevaluate for importance.  The cookies, a few parties, decorating, projects around the house, extra activities I hoped to do- all made the cut.

The cookies was the biggest thing.  I found myself apologizing. I cried. I felt like I was letting everyone down in falling to make this holiday tradition happen.  I mean as silly as it is now because everyone did survive without Christmas cookies (to hear my husband you would think he lost a limb and was starved to death).  The moment at which I came to the realization that to make the cookies meant sacrificing being able to stand up without excruciating pain in my knee, meant giving up sleep my frazzled mind and body desperately needed, meant letting down my kids and my husband and my poor neighbor who starts asking at Thanksgiving when I will start baking, I realized something.  In that moment I realized growth. Growth in that I put what was best for me before what was good and everyone made it out alive.  I put what was needed before what was wanted.

May not sound like a big deal but to me this is huge. I live in the place of making everyone else happy.  Not because they require it but because I do.  I have always been a Martha and I needed a Mary moment. I need to be still (well as still as I could be) and I needed to catch my breath, to eat someone else’s cookies, to be quiet and boring and rest and miss those parties. I needed to not second guess my saying No and rest in my right to choose.

Too often I get lost in the “must’s” and the “think I should’s”.  Simple answer as to why:  because I lost perspective and peace.  I stopped seeking the plan for my day in a quiet and still moment with my maker. I started borrowing from what could happen and what should happen instead of living in what was happening and allowing it to.  I filled my time with stuff- necessary or not.

Now in setting limits, expressing your needs and making clear boundaries, in choosing, sometimes others are offended. Sometimes they see it as your feelings are more important than theirs.  For me that is not what it was about at all. It was for me and continues to be because I have been to the bottom and I know what it feels like to not choose and loose myself, almost completely and finally.

What a freedom there is in living IN today. Taking moment by moment.  I am sure I sound like a broken record but there is peace and taking it as it comes and trusting and resting that my steps are order, when I have HIS perspective on my day.

 

Mary and Martha

^38-40 As they continued their travel, Jesus entered a village. A woman by the name of Martha welcomed him and made him feel quite at home. She had a sister, Mary, who sat before the Master, hanging on every word he said. But Martha was pulled away by all she had to do in the kitchen. Later, she stepped in, interrupting them. “Master, don’t you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand.”

^41-42 The Master said, “Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.”

*Disclaimer:  No innocent husbands were hurt in the process. My sister saved the day and made sure his waist line didn’t miss out on cookies and that there was a plate for Santa*

 

Empty?

Part of gaining a new perspective and peace for me is in realizing when I am empty.

Not quite sure why I wait til the red line hovers dangerously close to the E but I do.  I hate stopping to fill up.  I will wait and push my luck repeatedly.

Same holds true for me in my daily life.  It is usually with the best of intentions. Checking off all the daily and weekly responsibilities one by one.  I will run full speed, going through the motions the same today as yesterday and then get to the E and realize I have nothing left to give.  Sometimes that E finds me turning mountains in to mole hills.  I wind up at a place where one thing happens and I find 10 more wrong.  I unload , flip out, frazzled, tired and frustrated and sometimes there are innocent victims.  It could be something as small as a cup on the table that has set there all day or I get news that feels like a sucker punch to the gut.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  I am EMPTY.  I have nothing in my tank to even allow me to handle whatever it is that is coming my way.  All the things I know to be true when I am full have slipped to the back of my mind and I am on vapors, on fumes.

This year I started back to taking time each morning, no phone, no TV, no interruptions to recharge. I have gotten back to not just a quick devotional but a time of drawing near and pressing in.  We went back to church to fuel our tank.  I have reevaluated some of the things and relationships that have sucked me dry.  I am seeking out some Me time and activities to nurture and nourish myself, my relationship with my husband and my family.  I am remember that when I draw near to HIM I am filled up.  When I run my day through HIM I find fullness of joy, grace, mercy, hope and peace.  I can take the many things that surround me and deal for in a full tank their is possibility.  There is peace of mind.

I have learned this lesson before and let my tank run dry.  Unless I want today to be like those empty days when I have nothing to offer and can’t see my way out then I need to do something different.  Each day.  Yesterdays fill is not enough for today. I need to fill up- Spiritually.  Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.  Creatively.

Fill me up!

 

Rehearsal Cancelled

Heard a great message at church yesterday that just confirmed the things the Lord has been speaking to my heart for the last few weeks after a desert experience.  Then this morning, beautifully written, I read this… “Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur.”   I do this.  I get anxious and the need to fix and control takes over.  It is okay to look ahead and anticipate and be prepared but what is best and what is needed is for me to firmly trust, rest and be assured that my HOPE is in Him.

Habakkuk’s Prayer

3 This prayer was sung by the prophet Habakkuk^[a]:

² I have heard all about you, Lord.
    I am filled with awe by your amazing works.
In this time of our deep need,
    help us again as you did in years gone by.
And in your anger,
    remember your mercy.

³ I see God moving across the deserts from Edom,^[b]
    the Holy One coming from Mount Paran.^[c]
His brilliant splendor fills the heavens,
    and the earth is filled with his praise.
⁴ His coming is as brilliant as the sunrise.
    Rays of light flash from his hands,
    where his awesome power is hidden.
⁵ Pestilence marches before him;
    plague follows close behind.
⁶ When he stops, the earth shakes.
    When he looks, the nations tremble.
He shatters the everlasting mountains
    and levels the eternal hills.
    He is the Eternal One!^[d]
7 I see the people of Cushan in distress,
    and the nation of Midian trembling in terror.

⁸ Was it in anger, Lord, that you struck the rivers
    and parted the sea?
Were you displeased with them?
    No, you were sending your chariots of salvation!
⁹ You brandished your bow
    and your quiver of arrows.
    You split open the earth with flowing rivers.
¹⁰ The mountains watched and trembled.
    Onward swept the raging waters.
The mighty deep cried out,
    lifting its hands in submission.
¹¹ The sun and moon stood still in the sky
    as your brilliant arrows flew
    and your glittering spear flashed.

¹² You marched across the land in anger
    and trampled the nations in your fury.
¹³ You went out to rescue your chosen people,
    to save your anointed ones.
You crushed the heads of the wicked
    and stripped their bones from head to toe.
¹⁴ With his own weapons,
    you destroyed the chief of those
who rushed out like a whirlwind,
    thinking Israel would be easy prey.
¹⁵ You trampled the sea with your horses,
    and the mighty waters piled high.

¹⁶ I trembled inside when I heard this;
    my lips quivered with fear.
My legs gave way beneath me,^[e]
    and I shook in terror.
I will wait quietly for the coming day
    when disaster will strike the people who invade us.
¹⁷ Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
    and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
    and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
    and the cattle barns are empty,
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
    I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
¹⁹ The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
    He makes me as surefooted as a deer,^[f]
    able to tread upon the heights.