Some days my journal leads me to blog! Getting quiet for a long period of time for me is either the result of a busy life or the fact I need to process what is going on. That process can take a hot minute as normally the first filter is my own human flawed response. Then comes the filter of the Word, what God impresses on me as I surrender the issues at hand. Sometimes phase 1 (the me getting out of my own head phase) only lasts a few minutes or seconds even. Other times it moves slightly into phase 2 where God and I talk through what I see and am experiencing in the physical and apply what He is impressing on my heart and what His word says.
A little deeper: I totally realize and recognize that when I start to pray and really let my life line up with where God wants me now and wants to take me things will happen. I am not one that believes in perfect Christian life. That’s fake news! I do know that my walk and faith is like body armor ( see Eph 6) and that when I was given this armor to wear as I walk towards filling that God shaped hole We all were born with and then walking the purpose I was created for.
So that leads me to where I am in my quietness right now! I’m currently conversing with God “hot and heavy” as I struggle with the things I see and feel happening, what I have experienced in my “story” as a result of similar people, events, feelings and stressors before, and where I am now. Knowing that the old me would say “the hell with all of it I can walk my faith with out this mess” and the struggle to not give in and walk away! Reconciling all that to what I know God has impressed on us to accomplish and do! Knowing that the years the “locusts ate away” HE is restoring each day! I know that the enemy has his minions that are so eaten up with hate and discontent, the minions that are “well meaning citizens just looking out for the good” that live in Glass Houses just waiting to find the next thing to complain about. Reconciling that my GOD is bigger!
Yesterday I could have snapped and lost it. I throw my hands up and was ready to be done. Completely done but with that feeling came knowing this kind of done leads to a hear hardening! My anger was off the charts mixed with hurt feelings and a lack of trust! I quieted my heart, cried some serious tears and remembered : my GOD loves me, loves my husband, my family, my friends that love us like family. My God knows our story! He too was falsely accused. He too paid a price. He too stood in the crowd of people defending someone when the haters stood there with their stones and self righteous attitudes and reminded them
Last night I considered having truck loads of stones delivered to certain people’s homes! I contemplated passing them out to those people who smile to your face and gossip and spread lies behind your back. Who have no clue what the hell they are talking about and live in a graceless life where they categorize sins to make their own crap not smell so sickening, with tongue in cheek as they stir the pot and spread strive.
Then I realized He has never left us! We have waked through consequences, contempt, pure hell and here we are! He is and has faithfully restored because we live our life for and in Him! We have lived for over a decade doing the next right thing! We haven’t lived easy but we have lived faithful.
I went to bed drained and weary and laid awake for hours continually laying down the things I keep wanting to pick up! Surrendering them to the Lord because only He can quiet this “storm”. I woke with my dear sister from another mother sending me this ”
Don’t call everything a conspiracy, like they do, and don’t live in dread of what frightens them. Make the Lord of Heaven’s Armies holy in your life. He is the one you should fear. He is the one who should make you tremble. He will keep you safe. But to Israel and Judah he will be a stone that makes people stumble, a rock that makes them fall. And for the people of Jerusalem he will be a trap and a snare. Many will stumble and fall, never to rise again. They will be snared and captured.” Preserve the teaching of God; entrust his instructions to those who follow me. I will wait for the Lord , who has turned away from the descendants of Jacob. I will put my hope in him.
Isaiah 8:12-17 NLT
That text pulled me right out of the shopping cart for stone haulers and right back to the glorious reminder that GOD has even this (again) and I will put my hope in Him!
So stone throwers in my life that think you know when you have no clue what or who or where we are …. do not choke on your stones! Look around you for the wolf is dressed as a sheep and those that you desire to persecute might just be living a GRACE filled life walking with the Lord doing exactly what HE has called them to do! I will let go and let Him deal with your hateful and hurtful heart!
And Lord help me today help us today as we keep our eyes fixed on you and you alone! As we continue to run our lives through Your hands and seek you first! As we continue to tithe is our time or money and our talent. As we continue to trust and walk with you! Forgive my flaw and anger and help me to continue to be real in my relationship with you and others.
Here to stay !!!!! ( sorry Not sorry)