Grabbing my cup of tea and a warm blanket I think tonight is about reflection. My house is quieter than most nights. Kids are here and there. Seems like just yesterday I was busy bathing kids, changing diapers, teaching someone how to read or practicing writing their name. I love being a mom. I love being with my kids. I miss the days when they were small and I miss the times of play dough and chutes and ladders, cuddling and afternoon naps. It doesn’t seem possible this year my son will be 21 and my daughter just turned 19! Can it really be Kristopher is about 6 feet tall and Kody is shaving. Brett is now 10 and almost as tall as me! His last year of elementary school is almost over.
I struggle with the thought of my kids leaving home and my house being quiet. My life has been my kids and for the most part they are who I am. Too many days and months and years have flown by. Day in and day out the same routines have stolen my time. Add to that headaches that steal away my memory and I have spent many a tearful night praying for a time machine!
So part of my adventure this year in defining my dash is to create new memories and a way to never forget the old. To slow down, experience life, instead of allowing it to just happen to me. I was listening to a conversation at work today about tasting food. Simple to some but what a concept. Slowing down long enough to savor and enjoy the food you eat. To know what is in it because you leave it in your mouth long enough to actually experience the ingredients that creator put in. The same holds true to life. We go by doing the same thing day after day. For me the last year has been spent trying to avoid a nervous breakdown. Don’t get me wrong, lots of great things have also happened in the last year, but, if I am honest, I am but a mere shell of the woman I was before this last year happened.
So for me as I sip this cup of tea and share it isn’t about a pity party or a passive aggressive way to make someone feel bad or me feel better, it is about being honest about where I am right now. I am a woman in search of myself, wanting to not waste another moment of precious time with my children, wanting to find a way to experience the things I have been missing. To savor each moment of my day and all the ingredients that my Creator put in.