Archive | March 2011

Its My Life….

The Law of Averages-  The World English dictionary describes it as “….the expectation that a possible event is bound to occur regularly with a frequency approximating to its probability, as in the (actually false) example: after five heads in a row the law of averages makes tails the better bet “

 With a large family you get over real quick the idea that anything is cheap or easy.  Two kids you can still drive a cute car.  Have 3 you drive a mini van…..7 you get a 15 passenger bus!  (NO! Really you do!)  Then you go from one gallon of milk to 7 a week ( you read that right- a week- that is not a month.)  A cow shows up on your Christmas wish list.  Then try bread, eggs….eggs you are disappointed to find out that you couldn’t have a hen-house because they aren’t legal within your city limits so you continue to buy the 5 doz boxes each week and kindly smile and reply to the clerks question “Which day care do you work for?” with a forced smile ” Oh no ma’am I work at a local petting zoo.”  Soap of any sort = you make home videos in hope that someone’s soap really gets out the stain and maybe your family circus will be the next ad and a lifetime supply of soap!  Toilet paper- you buy stock!  School supplies- you learn creative ways to say bad words and wonder what the world they are going to do with 2- 100 count pencils per child in 9 months.  And pray you marry a redneck who believes that duck tape was God’s creation on the 8th day and that it can fix anything!  Yes I know there are 7 days but you will swear there are 8!  There has to be!  ( DO NOT RESPOND WITH SCRIPTURE PROVING THERE IS 7 and BURST MY DREAM THAT SOMEWHERE I HAVE LOST A DAY AND SOON , VERY SOON, I WILL FIND IT.)  Eating out is fun- as long as the kids are under 12 and can eat free.  If you stand in line and be friendly with the people in front of you without kids you can pass a few of yours off with a nod and smile to the cashier so all your kids eat free ( stupid 2 kids per adult rule). Then there are the doctors visits, broken bones, stitches and such.  Years go by and your dr and orthopedic drives nicer and nicer cars, dresses nicer and gets more and more friendly.  Until one day you are sitting in his office with one of your 7 after years of seeing his smiling face he thanks you every so kindly for allowing him to retire early.  He assures you that he is still willing save your charts for his partners because “you’ll be back.”  (TRUE STORY!)

So I realize today that my life that seems so crazy is rather quite normal.  What happens in a family of 4 is going to happen with more frequency and expense in a family of 9!  Two years ago , in a 6 week period of time, every one of my kids ended up in the ER for one thing or another.  Today as I have a 14 year old with both arms in casts and I sat thinking my 10 year old had a broken leg on Friday afternoon, maybe, just maybe, we are more “normal” then I thought.

A gift of love

There is nothing in the world like the love of a little child.  Nothing in the world!  It is the best medicine ever.  I had a simply wonderful day.  It started with coffee and some quiet moments about 6:30 then led me to the ball field with Brett and my nephew Tanner for their practice.  Addison joined me and we had breakfast on the bleachers with my sweet friend.  Then on to a lunch of “Old McDonald’s” with “Uncle Erick’s money-(Addi called him to make sure she could spend his $5.00) and some time on the play place.  We colored, cleaned up a little here and there and Chef Addi made the boys a wonderful trail mix all by herself. 

 The nap to Barney and the hugs, hearing the boys laugh and play with Chase and Zach and Tanner.  Everyone for bacon cheddar burgers and steak fries and then off to Aunt Dani’s for the night….my house was full and my heart was too.  What a privilege and honor to be the mom and aunt to the most amazing kids in the entire world. 

Thank you GOD for the healing that comes with spending time with children.  Thank you for creating them with so much wonder, excitement, faith and patience.  Thank you that when they look at you with their sweet eyes, regardless of their age ( or height) they love you for who you are and nothing else matters.  What a great feeling.  I am so blessed that I got today!

Standing in the gap

The place I have been for a while now is alone- yet not.  Quiet yet very crowded and loud.  The best I can say is pray for me.  I can’t talk or participate.  I just ask for prayer.  I know everyone has had life happening to them too.  I feel bad for the hurts and I cry some nights because some people are very upset by me.  I have spent the better part of a year and a half trying to avoid a nervous breakdown.  To some this is food for gossip or to judge but for those who did what they said they would and prayed I will say this……I started this week in a dark place- a place where I didn’t think I could breath to get through my day…..I didn’t want to be part of my life anymore.  For those who stood in the gap for me….thank you…. for today was a ray of hope.  That even though you have not known what to pray you have prayed and small things are starting to happen.  Thank you for standing in the gap

A safe place

I visited a familiar place last night.  Both physically and emotionally.  I remember walking through the doors broken and frustrated, hurt and very overwhelmed with no sense of direction 5 years ago and again last night.  A lot has changed in the 5 years since I walked through the doors.  Yet some things remain the same.  I was nervous and unsure yet it was like slipping on your favorite sweats and comfy T.  It was as if I had never left.  I know that where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.  I know that I have so much to get ready for but like a friend once said for right now I have to get ready to be ready to be ready.  For now I will rest in that familiar safe place.

Finding myself at a loss for words…..

Finding myself at a loss for words.  Well, maybe that is not totally accurate.  Finding myself in a place where the words will come out wrong.  Or maybe that too isn’t accurate.  Maybe it is that the words will come out and sting, burn a little, cause problems, be too harsh, or even too real.  So I find myself in a place of withdrawing.  It is much safer here, this place I have created.  Here, when I say I am doing my best and that right now I can just do what I can and no more, it is not that I do not care, but in this place it is understood.  It means that I recognize where you are but where I am can not hold it all.  Where I am is already bursting at the seams and where I am fears one more thing could be what sends me to a different place without a return ticket. 

So I am finding myself, in a place I thought I would never be again.  In a place where I recognize my surroundings as those that will forever change the landscape of my reality.  I am finding myself again, at a loss for words…………….