Sitting on the beach this weekend trying to sort through the things that I do not understand.
Trying to find some sense of direction. Trying to remember the turns that led me down this path.
Forget trying to put the pieces back together- right now I can not even find them.
As I sat in the sand I watch the families come and go, the young couple with that look of longing, the little children safe in their parents arms. I watched as sand castles were built and waves crashed in to wash them away. Picnic lunches were shared, laughter and music and the sound of crashing waves. A woman lost in the pages of her book, a man sleeping with out a care in the world, a lost boy trying to find where he misplaced his mom and dad. The sights and smells of summer. I couldn’t help but wonder what stories surrounded me. Could anyone sense my story? My pain? Could they see the slow tears streaming down my face? Could they tell as I waded into the water that I wanted to just be carried away? Like me, were they too in pain? I watched the man with the tattoos so dark hold his precious little boy and wondered what had changed his heart. I watched the man and woman argue, her trying to fight back the tears. The young boy trying so hard to catch the eye of the princess beside him. The little one trying to be brave and chase after the baby crab. They all had a story. Each wave that washed on shore carried a sense of hope of something new. They had faith in something….they had to have…..rather something they could see or not see, feel or not feel. Faith in something bigger than themselves. Faith to believe in a miracle or to hope for something greater. I do not have any clue where I am right now, where I am going, and for the most part who I am….but I do know that I have faith….faith that there are new mercies for me each day, that I have a story …. and for today it will be enough to just have