Consumed

Day 3 of Project 365

 I figured as I started my Project 365 I would focus on doing something different each day to make a positive change in one area of my life or another.  Today was about making those small changes in several areas.  Yesterday I started ready Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst.  It had been collecting dust on my bookshelf for several months.  I was supposed to have participated in a book club and worked through this book over the early fall but, like many other things in my life in 2011, that was pushed aside.  So, as I was writing my list of ideas for my Project 365, this book title made it on my list as one to read in 2012.  Yesterday was the day.  So I began to read Chapter 1 with the intention to read through and check it off my list.  Not the plan GOD had.

I came upon a sentence that stopped me.  We have all heard the saying “You are what you eat!”  Well she says in this book that “we consume what we think about.  And what we think about can consume us if we’re not careful.”

I have spent the better (may not be the best word to describe it) part of my life being consumed by feelings and not always good ones.  I have struggled with self-worth, acceptance, guilt, fear and so much more.  I have turned to many things to fill these voids and “fix” these feelings.   I crave something that always seems to be for someone other than me.  I was created with this void, this hole, this craving.  I was designed with it.  However, it was never intended to be filled with food, acceptance, relationships, sex, etc.  It was intended to be filled with a loving GOD.  It wasn’t meant to harm me or hurt me or lead me astray.  It is a craving that GOD alone was intended to fill!

I slipped into some workout clothes today with my family and neighbors in tow and we walked around our neighborhood as snow flakes fell from the sky.  As they collected on my shirt and everyone chatted I heard a still small voice.  “You see Leslie,  out of every snowflake that falls on you today, no one is the same as the other.  You are not the same as anyone else.  You are not  more worthy or less worthy of love and happiness than anyone else. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.”  I heard Him remind me that this project is about finding myself, finding Him, filling that craving with only thing that fits there: GOD!

I don’t even remember rounding the last road home.  I don’t even remember feeling cold.  I do remember feeling alive for the first time in a very long time.

I came home and poured this cup of tea and as I sit and read and reflect and share I know it’s about many tiny victories and that battle belongs to the LORD!

Day 3 – a success!

 

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2 thoughts on “Consumed

  1. Leslie, what an inspiration! I am so proud of you and am excited to read about the rest of your journey. I haven’t forgotten about you. Mike leaves tomorrow morning, so been spending the day with him. One thought process I grasped onto this past year was eating to live, instead of living to eat. In other words, I too had to change some poor eating habits and eat to live a healthier, more vibrant life. I quit my chocolate addiction cold turkey, which was EXTREMELY hard at first. Cut back on caffeine, increased fruits, veggies and more natural foods. I’m not exactly where I want to be yet, but it is a work in progress. And I can proclaim success in just feeling so much better, having more energy and less mood swings. I wish you all the best on your journey!

  2. You brought tears to my eyes. As you know I have struggled with weight and all of the other issues that surround it. I have been pleading with God to give me strength where I am weak. I had a health scare today, my doctor sent me to the ER for what he thought were stroke symptoms. Thank God all of the tests were negative.My little 7 yr. old granddaughter fell to pieces, and just sobbed when I happened to mention something about dyeing last week.. If I can’t lose this weight for me, I need to do it for her and her sister, as I know they would be destroyed if something happened to their Nana. Maybe we can conquer this mountain together through your blog. God used you today Leslie to encourage me and for that I say, thank you!
    Marie

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