Day 4- Project 365
It is so quiet in my house right now. The only sound is the water bubbling in the fish tank. It is warm and cozy and smells like vanilla. I just sat down for the first time all day, cup of tea in hand to warm up from the winter chill. I had almost forgotten what it feels like to be still for all the right reasons. It seemed impossible to think I would find a peaceful place again.
Last night I was reading further in Made to Crave and a line grabbed me yet again and stopped me. The author is writing about her cravings for food and how each time she feels them she turns to prayer instead. She says in doing so, “it was my way of tearing down the tower of impossibility before me and building something new.”
Impossibility! Wow! Do you know for how long I have been held captive by this word? I must have read that passage a half-dozen times before I crawled out from under my covers and headed to the kitchen. Without a thought I started cleaning my counters (which is what I do when I am trying to escape something. I clean over and over and try to make it seem just so – perfect!) It hit me as I went to wring out my rag and instead I walked back to my room and picked up my pen. I had spent years, maybe even my whole life, building a tower of impossibility. I started writing down all the things I have started and never finished because…..of impossibility. Not because the things I set my hand to are really impossible. It is because I have allowed lies and hurts and words to have power over me they were never intended to have! Many times I have released these things just to pick them back up and carry them yet again. Impossibility because I don’t see myself as worth it, as capable, as HE does!
What if I approached it this time as building something new? What if that is what this whole project is really all about? What if all my reasons for impossibility are redirected to finding the possible?
The author recites Psalms 5:1-3 and talks of laying her stuff before God in prayer each morning and waiting in expectation for what He is going to do.
I like the way the Message says it:
A David Psalm
1-3 Listen, God! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries?
King-God, I need your help. Every morning you’ll hear me at it again.
Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend.
Today I lay everything down. I crashed through this tower of impossibility and I begin again. Not to rebuild what was once there but to create something completely new.
My picture today couldn’t be more perfect. My son gave me this for Christmas! It says perfectly how I am marching through day 4 and into my new year……
To live- really live.
To laugh- really laugh.
To love- really love.
To realize I am worth it!
Day 4- Amazing!