Out of control. Ever have one of those days? You know the ones. The alarm never goes off, the dog gets out of the yard, the kids are arguing over who is touching who, you are stuck behind a Sunday driver and its Tuesday! You finally get to where you are going and try to save the day only to lock your keys in the car, get cussed out by some lady because you are taking the last of what she needs on the shelf and you get all the way to the check out and realize you forgot the one thing you came in this store for. Make it home, unpack the groceries from the car and get to the door to realize your keys are inside the car. The locked car. You wait for help and just when you think it can’t get any worse it starts to rain. Really?????
It is easy to find the out of control in these types of days. Sometimes though the out of control is a little more sneaky. Sometimes it comes from things we try to control but never will be able too, never were intended too. It’s the insane moments where we do the same thing over and over and over expecting a different result only to feel frustrated and out of control. (This is usually where we rinse and repeat!)
Since I tend to gain some ground only to lose it I figured today would be a great day to attack these bricks. The bricks of owning things that are not mine to own, things I can not control.
These bricks are the ones that belong to someone else. Once I have cleaned my side of the street, in an effort to gain my sense of self-worth, to fix and control and make better, I run across the street and offer to cleanup and carry. These are the bricks us nice girls offer to take care of for others. We do the right things with all the right intentions for all the wrong reasons and then when the results leave us crushed, confused and crying, we spiral down, out of control.
At the end of 2011, after about two years of free-falling I read a quote. When someone shows you who they really are believe them.
Simple and to the point, here goes. This means no more excuses. No more rescues. No more owning want isn’t mine to own. No more overlooking or brushing aside. No more being the nice girl. No more losing myself. No more! There is a scripture that talks of not everything that is good being profitable. Sometimes my out of control rescuing has kept someone else from the lesson he or she was supposed to learn. Sometimes my need to be liked and accepted, my need to find my self-worth in someone else, has kept that someone else from his or her God moment, his or her own responsibility, his or her test.
I step aside. Today I clean my side of the street. Today I realize that others might not get it or like it. That is ok. It is about boundaries. A fence is something you put up to protect your yard, your space. It defines the borders of your yard. It is a good thing. Today I can do this and it is ok!
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.”