Condition of my heart

 Day 16 Project 365

I was so comfortable this morning.  I didn’t want to get out of bed.  I don’t think our heat shut off all night so my room was toasty.  I knew why when my feet hit the cold hardwood floors and the weather man said it was a bone chilling 19 degrees outside. BRRRRR

I poured myself a cup of coffee and climbed into my favorite spot, pulled my quilt over my legs and opened the word.  I read awhile then decided to read one of my favorite online devotionals that I have subscribed too.  And there it was.  Relationships was the topic of the day. 

After my struggle yesterday I knew my devotions this morning needed to be about my relationships.  As much as God had gotten me through yesterdays bitterness episode, without His continued touch, I would face this again. 

I think I was half hoping for a “good old-fashioned hanky waving amen sister those jerks have done ya wrong and here’s how to handle it” devo.

What I got instead started with this scripture:

Psalm 26:2-3 The Message (MSG)

“2 Examine me, God, from head to foot,  order your battery of tests.   Make sure I’m fit inside and out
3 So I never lose sight of your love, But keep in step with you, never missing a beat.”

Guess what?  It wasn’t about the said “jerks” in my life.  As He has done quite a lot over this past two weeks, He was reminding me in this devotion that it was about the condition of my heart.  I can’t change anyone else no more than they can change me.  If I spend my time praying for God to change “them” I will surely be disappointed.  “Them” may not want to change, may not be asking to change, may not even think they need to change.  “Them” are not my concern.  Me, however, is another story.  Me needs to surrender my heart and my intentions.  Me needs to bring myself to the foot of the cross and then I can bring my relationships that need healing.  I can pray for myself and my husband, my child, my friend.  I need to bring them but not with the attitude of “GOD change him or her or else”.  My heart needs to be for my troubled relationships to be the best that they can be and to be all that God intends.  I need to pray for “them” because I want to see “them” live out their purpose too.  It is the intention of my heart that He is wanting and watching, out of love not hurt and anger and bitterness. 

There is much about ME that needs to be changed. He has so much to show me and teach me and heal inside of me.  There is grace without measure I need to understand and embrace and bathe in. 

It is hard for me some days!  Even today it was difficult! 

Lord, search me, search my heart, search me and test my thoughts.  Have your way with me.  Change me and mold me and shape me into the woman you created me to be.  I give you me.  All of me.  Even the hurt places.  I have held so tight to this hurt, probably because it keeps happening, and if I am honest maybe I am worried you will give them grace and I won’t feel justice.  Maybe because I want them to get some of what they have given.  I know that is not what you want from me.   Change my heart Lord.  Show me ME as you see me.  Help me see them as you do.  Heal me!

I am so thankful for His unfailing love!


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One thought on “Condition of my heart

  1. Wow were you inside my head today? Thanks so much for allowing me to tag along with you in this journey. Praying for you always and thank you for the encouragement!! I love you!

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