I woke this morning feeling a little off. About an hour into my morning routine it was clear I wasn’t going to shake this headache. I finished breakfast for the boys and shuffled them off to school. A glass of water and some medicine for my headache and I crawled back into bed.
As I was laying there trying to be still and sink into my blankets I felt this overwhelming sense of uneasiness. It is the same feeling that had gripped me, immobilized me, so many times over the last year. Where was this coming from? Why now?
I know exactly why. I decided when I started on this journey to leave no bricks in this tower. I had made a choice to start this project and leave no stone unturned. I ask the Lord to overturn every rock, shine into every crack and crevice and do the hard work of healing and restoring me, mind, body and soul. With Him I have begun healing and growing and seeking. I have begun anew to allow myself to be the me I was created to be. Those little arrows that are thrown out that try to remind me of fear and failure, un-forgiveness and pain, no longer have the same sting. I am learning to apply truth to them and they are losing their power.
Everyday will not be perfect. I will stumble and I will fall. I will get back up and dust myself off. A bad day doesn’t mean I quit. A good day doesn’t mean I become haughty or proud.
I don’t know where this feeling came from this morning but I do know that as I closed my eyes and took those thoughts captive they disappeared. I remember His promise that when I wait on Him He will renew my strength. He shines His light in to the dark places and dispels them. He makes all things new. He heals the sick and is a Father to the fatherless. He will restore my soul. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He isn’t looking for perfection but a willing heart!
I might feel down and out today and maybe that was why the enemy thought it was a good day to remind me of my shortcomings. It matters not! I know I am a child of the living God and thankful that I don’t have to be perfect. He did that for me too!
I am crawling back in bed now with another glass of water and some more medicine. This too shall pass. Maybe for today He just wants me to be still and sink into HIM!
New International Version (NIV)
“5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.”
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