So a change in perspective is in order. I get it!
It is about seeing the things I struggle with and the people I struggle with in a new light. I get it.
It is about being an adult and behaving as such. I get it.
It is about doing the hard work of learning and growing and changing into the person I was designed to be. And it is about realizing my worth and setting boundaries to protect me.
Me being my people pleasing self try to hard to control things that are just not in my control to fix or change. I get that too! And since I can not control these things, or people, and fix situations and behaviors I end up allowing these things to have control over me. I have tried talking, doing, ignoring, changing, leaving, and everything in between and yet the situation stays the same. Not for my lack of trying is this so completely out of control. I am tired of the out of control roller coaster.
I read an article last night that really helped me see why my perspective is so important:
“People so often feel totally out of control – unable to change their circumstances,situations, habits, life patterns, misfortunes, addictions etc. To some degree, of course, it is true that we are out of control – no-one has control over the fact that they are born or the reality that they will die. No-one can control what others will or won’t do and this may indeed have influence on their life decisions or impact their quality of life – after all, no-one is an island!!
Maturity and consequential freedom from the anguish of constantly feeling out of control (which is an anguish shared by almost all step-parents) comes from the recognition that it is never the circumstance, but the way you respond to the circumstance that gives you control over your life. Victor Frankl was a most extraordinary human being who spent many years in a concentration camp. Although robbed of his home, his financial security, his status as well-known psychiatrist, his health and the lives of almost all of his family members (experiences that nearly succeeded in destroying him) he discovered that: ‘EVERYTHING CAN BE TAKEN AWAY FROM A MAN BUT ONE THING: THE LAST OF HUMAN FREEDOMS –TO CHOOSE ONE’S ATTITUDE IN ANY GIVEN SET OF CIRCUMSTANCE, TO CHOOSE ONE’S OWN WAY’.”
I am so guilty of letting the things that happen around me and to me dictate my reactions, my attitude and my way. I have lived to please everyone else for so long that I see everything that happens as some how my fault. I have received freedom in this area in a lot of ways thanks to some wonderful counseling I went through last year yet I still struggle in a few areas and have to lay that down quite often. I know that as I apply truth I will continue to heal.
This article last night went on to say,
*You can allow yourself to hate every minute of your experience, or you can choose to discover, enjoy and celebrate its positives.
*You can decide to’ throw in the towel’ when the going gets tough, or you can choose to become tough and determine to keep going.
* You can choose to hate …….or you can choose to respond to them with grace and mercy.
*You can choose to respond with resentment and anger…… to disrespectful and hurtful behaviour, or you can choose to show them a different way of being.
*You can choose to waste many precious years of your life (which you’ll never be able to re-capture) by being angry with fate, circumstances or people, or you can choose to open yourself to changing, learning and becoming the best YOU that you can BE.
That is this journey I am on. To become the best ME I can be and I am reminded yet again that I have to continue to choose. My prayer today is the Lord continue to show me the right direction and to protect my heart and the hearts of my children and heal the broken places in the lives of those who mistreat us.
The choice is mine to pick how I will allow the things that are happening around me and to me to affect my life. I decide my attitude, my actions and my way.
God knows what we have need of and as I make the decision to see things as He does I make a choice to trust that He works all things together for my good, no matter what that looks like.
This article ends with this
“It is said that maturity comes with age. I believe that the only reason this saying often holds true is that no one can move through life without facing a number of challenges. Whilst people respond in different ways to their challenges, none of us can escape them altogether.
For many years I had no appreciation for the challenges of my life. I hated them, railed against them, wanted to ignore them, escape them, be rid of them. It was only when I accepted that nobody is exempt from the buffeting storms of life and that I have a choice in how to respond to them that I was able to give up my futile battle and begin to embrace my difficulties and see them as opportunities. Increasingly, as I learnt to ‘go with the flow’, I began to learn the lessons they contained. Maturity is one of the sweet rewards for choosing to embrace the challenges of our lives.”
So with this I purpose to change my perspective, to see the things I am facing as opportunities. I am sure there will be things I will pick up and lay down and pick up and lay down. I am learning, growing, healing. Today though is another chance to learn and embrace the things God wants to show me. Even tonight I was able to use one of these challenges as a teachable moment for my boys. It felt nice to handle something with grace and the best part there was no anxiety and I was able to show a better way.
For today I am trusting that as I make the right choices and allow my actions to speak instead of my words the changes will come and the rewards will be sweet.
(Article cited above: http://www.stepmothermatters.com/2009/10/role-of-maturity-in-stepparents-life_23.html