Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away. Pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t make it better. Placing blame to avoid ownership only prolongs. I know sometimes it has felt like just keeping everything to myself would help, I walked on egg shells, tried to fix and smooth over and do everything I could humanly do to avoid conflict. It just doesn’t work that way. More times than not resentments would grow from the spark of hurt, frustrations would fester into heated tempers and angry words. Nothing good comes from ignoring the things that need to be dealt with. Nothing good comes from pretending the elephant is not in the room.
I am learning to look at my part. To change, surrender where I need to and speak up where I should. I might not get the results I am hoping for. I might not get a response at all. I might be ready to deal with something that the other person is not. I try so hard to understand sometimes. Understand the whys and the how comes. I have to continue to release that stuff though because it has the potential to drag me down and ruin the hard work and progress that I have made. This is where recognizing what I can and cannot change comes in.
I might not always get why people do the things they do. I do however understand that hurting people hurt people. That doesn’t excuse it or make it right but it is what it is and I can’t change it. I have been reading a lot over the past month about the love of God. I want a heart like His. I want to be able to see past what is happening to the heart of the situation. I look at the times Jesus would have had every right to say forget this yet He never did. He understood His purpose. He knew what it meant to love others as God does. He got it and He obeyed. Part of my project 365 this year is about facing and dealing with things that have hurt me. It has not been easy but I have learned that ignoring things that happen only makes them worse. So as I am reading and studying I am asking God to reveal my elephants. Reveal to me the things that I have grown used to, overlooked and pretended weren’t happening. I have asked Him to examine my heart and remove the stuff that is binding and bogging me down. It has meant making some amends and learning some new behaviors. It has also meant speaking up for myself and no longer settling.
This is where I am right now. I am deep in prayer and asking God to clean up my heart, renew my mind, restore and release. No matter what it looks like it is and will continue to be a time to de-clutter my life. To heal and to live my purpose. I want to love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, body and spirit and I want to love others as He does, not just if they “deserve it”, regardless of how they treat me, no matter if they can repay it or return the favor. I want to love because I am called to it.
1 John 4:7-12
New International Version (NIV)
God’s Love and Ours
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.