Home from South Carolina seeing my grandparents and family. A very emotional weekend indeed but even though there were difficult times it was a weekend of healing and hope. My grandfathers eyes are fixed firmly on his Jesus. I wish that words could paint a picture that would do his faith justice but they can’t. As we would gather around his bedside laying hands on him and praying he would lay there praying right back for each and every person. Asking God for a special touch on our lives. I would sit there and watch him as he prayed and poured out his heart. I watched the faces of my family and felt the power of the Holy Spirit washing over that room. I would venture to say that the whole floor must have felt it.
I needed this trip. When we say God wastes nothing, it is true. He used this situation to bring a healing in my life and in my relationships that nothing else had been able to.
There are many things that happened but most are deeply personal and I will keep in my heart. One I would like to share as best as I can.
I struggle with some things. Words and wounds! Things that have been said and done and that have created a struggle in my life. I hear them play in my mind and the enemy has used them over the years to tell me I am so less than. There have been people in my life that have wounded me deeply with their words, their rejection and their judgment. The result has been that when certain things are said or done I go right to that hurt place. I hear one thing with my ears and another with my heart and my mind. Some of these things have changed me. Last week was a rough week for me in many ways. I went into Friday knowing I needed to search my soul and hear from God. I asked Him to make clear to me His desire for me and these broken relationships and broken places in my heart and mind. I asked Him to show me the truth and speak healing to the wounded places in my mind and heart once and for all. To show me His will and direct me.
God never fails.
From the moment my grandfather spoke my name and every word and encouragement he whispered to me or spoke out loud, I know without a doubt they were ordained by God. There were things he spoke to me that were exactly what I needed to hear for they were the truth to the lies that I had come to believe. They were healing to my soul. The relationships represented in the room, the interactions and even the lack there of spoke to my heart. The Holy Spirit had a hold of me from the moment I walked in and saw my grandfather and God literally spoke to me the entire time I was away. He woke me with a word, a verse, a song. As I interceded and stilled my mind and heart He showed me things that only He could know. And as if that wasn’t enough there were things my grandfather spoke that he couldn’t have known unless the Lord had spoken them to him.
I learned something important this weekend. Offense and the spirit of offense can ruin a life. Bitterness and un-forgiveness can rob you of your years and your legacy if you let them. Regret and remorse can destroy you. Yet none of these things stand a chance in the presence of the most high God! What the enemy means to rob, kill and destroy God desires to use to bring life and bring life abundantly. I learned that if we truly humble ourselves in the sight of the Lord and surrender these things and our lives to God He will lift us up and restore and renew and refresh. He is GOD!
I knew as I stood beside my grandfathers bed there were things I needed to change. As I reassured him once again all was forgiven I knew there were wrongs I needed to right. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. People will fail and fall and let us down. Praise GOD we all can experience grace. Grace given to us freely by a living loving God. And grace once received is to be freely given away. I have been wronged and you could even say there are things that would justify me no longer having certain people in my life. I have hurt and been hurt. There are times that I have every right to be mad and every right to cry. I can’t always control what is happening to me or around me. Yet when all these things touch my life there is one thing I can do. I can control my reaction and the power I give to them. I can make a choice to not allow the enemy a chance to ruin the work God is doing and desires to do. All I can do is make the choice to do what God has called me to do. If that makes others uncomfortable or angry, bitter or mad, there is nothing I can do about that. I have to make the decision to give and receive grace. To choose this day whom I will serve and make sure my walk matches my talk. I have to make amends. REAL AMENDS and makes sure that I am not acting and reacting without running those things through what I know is right and true and what matches up to the life God is asking me to live.
Years are wasted when we can’t let go. When we hold so tight to hurt. There is so much more to life. A life of abundance and joy. There is laughter and peace and joy that longs to flood the spaces that are dark and full of fear, anger and regret. There are memories to reclaim and restoration to begin. In the light of eternity there are things we just need to let go. It is time to stop running. It is time to let down the excuses and defenses and run into the loving arms of God. It is time to surrender control of the hurts and broken places in my life and allow healing to begin.
And just like my grandfather prayed- “My God I know that you can heal me right now, you can speak a word and I will be made whole. I know you can do that. And I also know that I am yours, wholly and completely I am yours. And I am ready I am ready to come home. Your will be done Almighty God. Use me I am yours.”
SO for me today Lord I am yours. I am wholly and completely yours. I am ready, ready to come home. Whatever it is Lord you have for me I trust you completely. I know you can heal these broken places in my life and I also know that if you choose not to heal me you will see me through. You will use these hurts and wounds and you will bring restoration and renewal in my life. You will use me in ways to bring glory to your name, to walk with someone else that is going through the same valley and Lord I want you to do just that. You my God will restore my soul, my mind, my relationships. Thank you God for your amazing grace and abundant love.
I have had some great talks with my family since arriving home last night. I have even had a chance to speak with a few people with whom my relationship is very broken. All I can say is I feel the power of the Holy Spirit working in these places. I can feel it and a peace that passes all understanding. I can feel the healing rain washing over me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31D2g7t5Bjs HEALING RAIN.