I have been doing pretty good in the “take every thought captive” battle over these past 107 days. I have faced all kinds of situations and relationships that I have had to work on, through and in. I have worked hard on personal responsibility and letting go of the things that are not mine to own. Then, like a flood, in the early hours of this morning I was overcome. It was as if the last 107 days had never happened. I felt panic and anxiety suffocating me. The initial suffocating feeling only lasted as long as it took me to cry out to God that I needed Him! I spent about an hour crying and praying and praying some more. It passed and I was fine. Even in the midst as I recited scriptures and truths and read my personal notes I could feel “It” losing its power. Then about mid afternoon as I was reflecting on the morning will waiting for my son to be seen by the doctor it hit me. There are things I had held on to this past week mentally and emotionally that I should have addressed and let go. Things I had given rent free space in my head that didn’t belong. There was even some things I needed to share with someone, instead I had kept my feelings bottled up. I had imprisoned myself by holding on and holding in. A few hours later I was able to speak and share what was on my heart. I was able to say how I was feeling and how I see things. The best part was when I shared that I had been afraid to speak up and the person assured me it was okay. The conversation and the topic where not easy to hear or speak but it was okay that I had shared it. What I shared has been a very difficult subject in this relationship but as I was able to pray it through and speak my heart I do believe God prepared ears and hearts to receive. Now I am continuing on and as I have been for the past 107 days I continue to believe that God has this. He has me and He has my kids.
A good lesson today in staying on my toes. Things will still happen. Life will still be hard. Relationships will still need work and situations will still arise that are not easy. I am so thankful that I was able to apply truth and what would have sent me into a tail spin a year ago didn’t stand a chance knocking me down today. I may not know what lays around the next turn but He does. I can trust Him completely!
Another step in a wonderful new direction.
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.