Archive | May 2012

Thoughts

Day 152 Project 365
I was provoked in thought today: could it be that we surround ourselves with people who treat us as less than to build themselves up? Is that a people pleaser issue?
Pondering tonight why “we” take what we take.

Watched a lady taking some pretty crappy stuff from someone today and with tears she looked so destroyed and hurt and, from my vantage point, it was so ridiculous and unwarranted. With tears in my eyes I was helpless but to pray. Someone else asked the above question. Another spoke up and reminded there is only so many times you can kick a puppy before he either runs away, bites you back or dies.

When is enough enough, verbally? Mentally? Emotionally? And why, why, why are we so willing to stay?

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Learning Curve

Day 151 Project 365

On T.D. Jakes Ministries Facebook status today:  Become comfortable with criticism.  No matter who you are, you cannot please everyone all of the time.  If you’re going to reach the heights God has called you to, you will elicit criticism from those who are jealous, petty or angry because they were left behind.

So when he was on Oprah’s life class he talked too about how to deal with the “haters”, people pleasing, moving on and getting over it.  Watch this clip…..Life Class

I think I am over “it” and something happens and I find myself right back in the pit, trying to get more from someone than they are capable of, trying to please someone who doesn’t really care, chasing after something that never was meant to be. 

TODAY I move on.  People think they know me.  They don’t.  The define me by what they think I am.  They have a period where GOD has a comma.  ( Learned this on Life Class with TD Jakes too…..LIFE CLASS)

If you have been following me on this journey this year, bear with me.  I like to think I am not the only repeating test taker out there.  I think we all have those areas we just seem to keep cycling through.  Last year I quit, I gave up, I almost died, literally.  Today I have to keep cycling through this until I have a complete breakthrough NOT breakdown.  That is the difference.  I am embracing new things. I CAN NOT PLEASE EVERYONE AND I NO LONGER WANT TOO!  I AM LEARNING TO BE ME, TO LOVE ME, TO FIND THE DEFINITION OF MY LIFE AND ERASE THE PERIODS, TO REMOVE THE PINT SIZE PROBLEMS IN MY WORLD AND EMBRACE GALLON SIZE THINKING, AND MOST OF ALL I AM LEARNING ALL THE TIME TO FORGIVE, NOT FORGET, BUT LEARN AND MOVE FORWARD.

I know, all caps is screaming in some circles and that is what I am doing,  from the roof tops, out loud and in living color.  I am going to get through this phase and no longer give this “stuff” in my head and heart power it wasn’t meant to have.

You probably have heard me say it before and you will hear me say it again. 

I almost typed sorry. 

I am not. 

I have been bound for far to long by this and I have to move forward, that is what this has been about.

So with much prayer I am taking some serious steps forward, searching out answers, having some tough conversations and asking God for the strength to stand strong and follow through.

The walls I tore down earlier this year are now the bricks I use to form a solid foundation.  I have learned so much and I am so thankful.

I am still struggling with anger, resentment and hurt and I am still tyring to piece together certain places in my life but I do know that my trust is in the Lord.

“In God, whose word I praise— in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”        Psalm 56:4 NIV

Not right now

Day 150 Project 365

There are things I want to write, to get out of my head and heart but for tonight I am going to shut off the outside world and spend some time praying and searching.  I know that the things I struggle with are best handled that way.  Removing myself and falling on my knees.

Til tomorrow…..

Memorial Day

Day 149 Project 365

Happy Memorial Day everyone! Today was busy with cleaning and shopping and cooking.  Had a nice cookout with family and friends.  Kris got back from a wonderful weekend with a great family in D.C., as did my parents.  Kody came home from weekend away working baseball, as did my husband.  Brett and I recovered from a long weekend and we ended the night perfectly.  I am so thankful to the many men and women that have given their lives so we are able to enjoy many freedoms. We are truly blessed.

Who I Am

Day 148 Project 365

Sometimes others words speak louder

I’m not sure what you’ve walked through or who holds the key to your heart, but if you will hand that key to the Lord, you will find the safe place you’re longing for. Your security will no longer be based on others’ actions. Even those who love you the most don’t know how to love you the way your Lord does. Just listen to His promise in Revelation 21:4: “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
Help me Lord to continue to run to you and find my identity in who you say I am.  I pray the same things for my children, no matter their age.  That they would know who they are because You say that is who they are.  Not because of what the world dictates. 

Living out loud

Day 147 Project 365

I love watching my kids laugh.  Tonight we were watching a movie and my little guy was laughing so hard he had me in tears laughing at him.  As a matter of fact it was a great day filled with him making me laugh as well as others and watching his light-hearted antics.

Sometimes things get too serious.  We forget to stop and really enjoy the things we love and the people we love.  We get so busy with the “stuff” of life that we get lost in the routine.  Today to laugh and I mean really laugh till my sides hurt was the best medicine.

Days like today I just thank God for the blessings He has given me.  For the love of my kids and the light in their eyes.

What a great way to spend a Saturday!

Joyous Friday

Day 146 Project 365

Finally, after two weeks with no car my little red bug is fixed.  Hubby still has some fine tuning to do but, it is driveable and I am ever so thankful that he is handy in just about every way and could fix my car.  Wonderful way to start the weekend, having my wheels back.

As we were riding home tonight I realized just what an adventure our lives has been.  Not without its shares of trials and tribulations yet also full of a lot of wonderful memories as well.  I think back to the many milestones in our story and I see the fingerprints of God who took so many messes and really has used them to be our message.  I think somehow over the last few years we lost sight of that.  Maybe the enemy was just out to destroy because God was moving and using us in many mighty ways.  It is time to get back on track.  Praying and believing for great things.