Why is it that some people seem to not care what anyone else thinks? They seem to be able to move freely through life and allow others words to bounce off of them. They seem to be okay if someones opinion of them is not the greatest, they don’t seem to seek approval. Then there are those people pleaser’s who find their identity in others. Those people who are hurt by the words of others. Those people who feel as if they do not measure up. Those people who feel the need to defend themselves.
Is there a balance? Do those that move freely through life seemingly without a second glance at another’s opinions or comments have it better than those who are easily hurt at the comments of another?
This morning I read a quote on a friends Facebook wall about no longer looking to please people but instead to strive to please God. I remember to the comment that there are some people who you will never please. I do that! I really do! Yet I still struggle with the slights and the comments and the opinions, the words sent in text and email or not sent at all. I still find myself screaming on the inside “I am trying. This is what I can offer right now. I am doing my best. Will it ever be enough?”
These questions I write need no reply. They are the thoughts in my mind and they express what I am dealing with and have been for quite some time. The difference is I am no longer in “clinging in will to live mode.” These are real life situations that I have dealt with for a very long time. The thing is I am tired of the egg shells. I am tired of worrying that I did the wrong thing or said the wrong thing or that doing something for me makes another feel offense. I am tired of wondering if something is going to offend. If I handle things in the wrong “order of operations.” I don’t know how much of that is right or wrong but that is what I am feeling. I am exhausted by the judgements, the whispers, the cold shoulders of those that think they have a clue.
So for now I continue to lay down this mess. This mess that makes me second guess myself because of someone elses comments, texts, Facebook digs and so forth and so I don’t want to carry this anymore. I find myself in the I just want to not care whirlwind. I don’t want to be someone I am not but I am exhausted from this. This never-ending saga of trying to just live my life the best I can but it seemingly is never “right”!