Archive | June 2012

What I remember…..

Day 182 Project 365

On Day 180 as I was created my blog for the day my grandfather was heading home to heaven!

Day 181 was a blur of emotion as I struggle with so many different variables in my life.

But for today, Day 182 this is what I remember.

I remember the tire swing in his front yard.  I remember sitting and eating sardines with him.  EWWW I know ( I was young and he said they were good- now I think I would throw up!)

I remember making sundaes in the kitchen with my grandmother.  Always adding the chocolate and peanut butter and lots of peanuts on top and sitting beside my grandfather on the couch.  I remember looking through his old garage at all the engines and parts and stuff he collected.  I remember him coming to our house when I was about 11 and praying for me and over our home as I had so many bad nightmares and anxiety.  But what I remember most was the days in 2012 where I sat beside his bedside and he told me he loved me.  He told me he was proud of me.  He told me he was sorry and that he cherished me and that he wished we had been closer.  He told me I was beautiful just the way I am.  He prayed for me and encouraged me as he lay in that hospital bed living out his last days.  I will never forget those moments.  I hold dear those moments.  When the past was laid to rest, when I felt and heard and saw his love and heard his heart towards me.  When he told me what a great mom I am and what a great job I have done and he was proud of me.  In those moments, in those words, I was good enough.  That is what I remember. That is what I cherish.  Above all I cherish that when my dad was young he took him to church and taught him about Jesus and when my dad was older the word did not return void.  It has created a legacy and a gift.

I love you grandpa.  I love you and I am so glad that you are in heaven whole, healed and dancing with our Jesus.  You are walking the streets paved in gold with my family and those that love you.  I rejoice for the chance we had this year.  For the healing for the love and I am so proud to have been your granddaughter.

Remember REAL love

Day 178-179 Ended Monday night with the worst migraine headache I have ever had and stayed in bed pretty much for two days.  It has been awhile for which I am very thankful but I sure could spend forever without another headache.

Day 180 Project 365

Thursday, June 28, 2012

I laid in bed this morning needing to remember all the things real love is.  Surrounded by all the things love is not it is refreshing to know REAL love will see me through to the end.  If I keep my eyes on man, I am in for trouble.  If I bank on the worlds definition of love I will be let down.  If I have expectations I will be disappointed.  I need to be reminded so I opened the word.  One day, one day the lists and resentments and hate and selfishness and hurtfulness will be gone.

1 Corinthians 13

The Message (MSG)

1 Corinthians 13

The Way of Love
1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.   
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.   
Love doesn’t strut,  
Doesn’t have a swelled head,   
Doesn’t force itself on others,   
Isn’t always “me first,”   
Doesn’t fly off the handle,   
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,   
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,   
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,   
Puts up with anything,   
Trusts God always,   
Always looks for the best,   
Never looks back,   
But keeps going to the end.

8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

11When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

12We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

 

Days in Review

Day 177 Project 365

Cutting myself a little slack here on missing yet again another two days posting.

Day 175 Saturday & Day 176 Sunday – My husband and little man and I headed to Richmond for baseball tournaments.  Great day at the fields!  Beautiful breeze and lots of snow cones. We stayed over night and had a great time just hanging out.  Erick has been working out-of-town the last 3 weeks and it looks like a few more weeks to come so was nice to have some time with him.  We eat at a great Mexican place and chilled in our room and at the pool.  Home late last night for a few more hours with him before he left at 3:30am.

Monday Day 177 is back to the routine.

Storm is closing in so I am going to keep this simple today……

Thankful for those I love!

Lucky ME!

Day 174 Project 365

Today was full of dentist office and errands.  Ended with some time with my son Kris watching a movie and having dinner.  Was nice to have a one on one date night with him.  What a lucky mom I am!  I have the best kids in the world.

Lifting them up

Day 173 Project 365

Amazing how you can go through a day and all of sudden a wave of old emotions come rushing back.  Heard this song and WOW-  The title is a link to the actual song!

MATTHEW WEST LYRICS

Did you feel, feel it break From all the weight of your mistake? You never knew how much it cost Feels like your innocence is lost
So much for the perfect life So much for the perfect day It’s like no matter how you try Perfection’s just too far away
So lift them up to Me All the broken pieces All the broken pieces of your life
To Me All the broken pieces All the broken pieces of your life
All the broken pieces All the broken pieces All the broken pieces
Did you hear what I said? Did you read the words I wrote down in red? I was broken once for you And no one loves you like I do
And that’s the beauty of this grace It can put the pieces back in place And shine reflections of forgiveness In a million different ways
So lift them up to Me All the broken pieces All the broken pieces of your life
To Me All the broken pieces All the broken pieces of your life
‘Cause I can take even your greatest mistake Every scar, every tear, every break And I can turn it into something More beautiful than you have ever seen
So lift them up to Me All the broken pieces All the broken pieces All the broken pieces All the broken pieces
All your broken pieces I’ll put them back together, yeah Are you broken, are you broken?
Just lift them up to Me All the broken pieces Give all the broken pieces of your life
To Me, yeah, yeah, yeah All the broken pieces All the broken pieces of your life
Lift them up to Me Let Me carry you I will take your pieces And put them back together

Family Fun Night

Day 172 Project 365

 Dinner tonight with the kids.  Grilled out kabobs and then made chocolate fondue for dessert.

So simple and so fun.

Chocolate Fondue recipe I used was 1 box semi sweet bakers chocolate, 2 Tbsp. butter and about a cup of heavy cream.  You can melt this in a small crock pot of fondue pot or on the stove on low to med low heat.

We dipped fresh fruits, marshmallows, rice krispy treats, pound cake and brownies.

Thank goodness the main course was steak, chicken and lots of fresh veggies.

Broken yet Free

Day 171 Project 365

So many days I feel so broken. I wonder what in the world I am doing.  I feel so lost and so far from where I know I am supposed to be.

Today I read the following devotion.  It was right on time for me. I hope it blesses you like it did me.  A gentle reminder to carry our pieces, to carry each others pieces to the one that can turn broken into beautiful!

What it Means to Be Broken

Written on June 19, 2012 by

“I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.”

Jeremiah 18:3-4

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.”  (Romans 7:15) That’s what Paul said about being humanly broken. He knew what was just. He loved God’s law and he loved God – but when it came to his heart and his flesh, the two just couldn’t always agree.

Do you ever feel like that? Like you know exactly how you should act but instead you do the complete opposite? I know I really relate to what Paul wrote because so many days I feel like “I don’t really understand myself” either.

Living life by spotless example is something that no man can do, but as much as he hated his imperfection, Paul also understood this simple truth. Being broken is not only what makes us human but also what helps us understand each other. If I’m not perfect and you’re not perfect we can then in turn learn from each other. I can tell you what I do wrong so you can in turn not do it. Maybe instead you can figure out the things that I learned the hard way much easier, without all the grief and pain of the fall.

Sometimes I think we get so caught up in being perfect all the time that we miss the point of why we are here. We aren’t spotless people “fixing” other people’s problems . . . we are the broken leading the broken. It’s not our job to “fix” anyone. It’s only our job to lead people to the One who can.

How silly of us to ever think that God calls us to “fix” things. We grow and learn through what God teaches us in our lives. You may feel like I do sometimes like “Who I am, Lord, that you might use me in your Kingdom?” You can probably think of a million reasons why you shouldn’t be in ministry, why God couldn’t use you, why He shouldn’t accept you . . . But the truth is we all have those reasons, don’t we? You could probably tell me a million reasons why you don’t feel worthy. And I could tell you a million reasons why I don’t feel like enough.

We are all broken, but this doesn’t mean we’re disposable.

We are broken lamps sent forth into a dimming world, the oil of our Father burning bright from within, shining through the crackles of our glass, casting light on shadows where we have fallen, saying “Look at the scuffs on the dirt. Look at the hole in the road. Look at my scars. I’m showing you where I’ve fallen so that you might not fall too.”

This is the hidden truth of a life of ministry. This is the secret of what it means to cast aside religion and live a radical life of grace. A minister is nothing more than a person who knows that their brokenness in a magnified light can be used to the glory of God. “I was lost but now I’m found. I was blind but now I see.”

In fact, the book of Luke tells us that Peter who had denied Jesus fell at His feet and said “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!” Yet this same man would go on to help record the Bible – and he is not the only one to fall short of God’s goodness . . .

David was a murder . . . and an adulterer.

Job worried about everything.

Thomas was a doubter.

Noah became so drunk he passed out in his tent.

Moses was disobedient and temperamental.

But this isn’t what we remember about these characters. We remember that . . .

David was a man after God’s own heart.

Job would never curse God even after he lost it all.

Thomas touched His side and believed.

Noah took them two by two and found the rainbow after the flood.

Moses parted the Red Sea and set his people free.

Isn’t it amazing how God can use broken things?

If you are on the fence of living a life broken open for all the world to see, I invite you to jump over. Let your life be a mission. Let your heart be a song that sings to the broken. The only difference between both sides of the fence is that one side is broken and bound. One side is broken and free.

On this side of the fence our broken pieces are jumbled into a mosaic of color and light. On this side of the fence our scars become our battle cry. On this side of the fence the Devil can no longer tell us that our flaws make us useless because Jesus told us that He “came not to call the righteous but sinners.” (Matthew 9:13) On this side of the fence our Shepherd leads the broken into a place of beautiful surrender.

This is our plight in the world of the broken . . . that in spite of our brokenness we step outside of our own shattered pieces and say “Here, let me help you pick those up. I know where to take them.” And somewhere in the process, our broken shatters get jumbled. I carry your pieces. You carry mine. And we meet at the foot of the cross in anticipation of finding out just what this God of ours can do with broken things