What I remember…..

Day 182 Project 365

On Day 180 as I was created my blog for the day my grandfather was heading home to heaven!

Day 181 was a blur of emotion as I struggle with so many different variables in my life.

But for today, Day 182 this is what I remember.

I remember the tire swing in his front yard.  I remember sitting and eating sardines with him.  EWWW I know ( I was young and he said they were good- now I think I would throw up!)

I remember making sundaes in the kitchen with my grandmother.  Always adding the chocolate and peanut butter and lots of peanuts on top and sitting beside my grandfather on the couch.  I remember looking through his old garage at all the engines and parts and stuff he collected.  I remember him coming to our house when I was about 11 and praying for me and over our home as I had so many bad nightmares and anxiety.  But what I remember most was the days in 2012 where I sat beside his bedside and he told me he loved me.  He told me he was proud of me.  He told me he was sorry and that he cherished me and that he wished we had been closer.  He told me I was beautiful just the way I am.  He prayed for me and encouraged me as he lay in that hospital bed living out his last days.  I will never forget those moments.  I hold dear those moments.  When the past was laid to rest, when I felt and heard and saw his love and heard his heart towards me.  When he told me what a great mom I am and what a great job I have done and he was proud of me.  In those moments, in those words, I was good enough.  That is what I remember. That is what I cherish.  Above all I cherish that when my dad was young he took him to church and taught him about Jesus and when my dad was older the word did not return void.  It has created a legacy and a gift.

I love you grandpa.  I love you and I am so glad that you are in heaven whole, healed and dancing with our Jesus.  You are walking the streets paved in gold with my family and those that love you.  I rejoice for the chance we had this year.  For the healing for the love and I am so proud to have been your granddaughter.

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