Another world wind day yesterday. For Brett’s 12th birthday gift we sent him to a two-day baseball camp with the Norfolk Tides, The Orioles Farm league. He was in 7th heaven. He spent two days in camp learning new things and rubbing elbows with some great guys who happen to be baseball players, his favorite people in the whole world. Yesterday camp ended with a cookout for the players, kids and parents followed by a chance to watch the Tides play ball which proved to be an exciting game! We had a great time and further realized our son is addicted to baseball.
Today a wonderfully busy day as well. I enjoy the chance to visit with people and use my brain at the same time. Lots going on with wedding plans and happy things are coming together so nicely.
Tonight a lovely dinner with a new friend and a chance to share my recovery story. I realized as she left how much I have learned and how far I have come. May not always feel like progress but I can look back and see just how far I have come. Loving the lessons that I learned along the way. I have not arrived nor will I ever but that is the best part. I don’t have to be perfect. I need to remember that sometimes and cut myself some slack.
I watched my son last night as he sat on my couch relaxing. I watched and remembered so many wonderful memories. My little boy always asking questions, helping me with cooking and cleaning, helping Pa build and fix, always ready with a wonderful hug and the best kisses. My little boy has become an amazing man. I watched as he smiled and talked and laughed. Today I watched as he sampled wedding cakes, looked at flowers, smiled at his bride. As he took the time to be sure she was happy with her choices. To reach out and squeeze her hand. To smile. I am so proud of the man he has become. I am so proud and honored to be his mom. I am so moved when I hear and see and feel the love for him his bride to be’s family has. That they too share in the knowledge of knowing what a true gift my son is. As the venue is set and the invitations have been ordered, as the cake is checked off and the flowers are wrapped in ribbon. As the rings are purchased and the music is selected, one thing will always be left to do, make sure my son knows he will always be my baby!
So a quick recap of the past few weeks: Kris graduated and turned 18. Brett turned 12. This past Sunday Trixie, my little Chihuahua had a long 12 hour labor and delivered, with great difficulty, 4 adorable little puppies, 3 girls and 1 boy. Two were breech and one took 6 hours to deliver. Had my friend Crystal who is a vet student not been home next door the day might have ended differently. She saved the day, saved my Trixie and saved the pups. Add in a broken car for Kris and a broken washer for me and it has been a lot to accomplish in just a few short weeks of summer.
Still much to do. Kody is turning 16 in a matter of 2 weeks and a party is in the planning! Then, Nik! Nik and Amanda have decided to move up their wedding date and now we are deep in the planning of a wonderful wedding. August 20, 2012 my son will marry his high school sweetheart. Last night we spent the evening venue shopping. I have to say, we found the perfect place. I had spent several days trying to line up different appointments so that the kids could have choices and the experience of their dreams. It was late yesterday when I spoke with the owner of Alexanders on the Bay and I knew that was going to be the place. What an amazing lady with a huge heart. I was so touched as were the kids and brides family, at the care and warmth this lady showered upon us. With more places to see, after that meeting at just the second venue they knew that was the place. She will shut down the entire place and give it to Nik and Amanda for the night. Even her private beach! A beautiful place with so many extra special touches. As we climbed in the car to head home I loved seating in the back seat listening to them talk and watching them smile and be so excited at their choice.
I still have my moments, when tears come to my eyes and my emotions threaten to take my breath away. I am happy for my son and I know he loves her and she loves him. One is marrying, one turning18 and finding his way and preparing to start college. One turning 16 and ready to drive and my baby turning 12 and growing up way too fast.
Last night I remembered a little story I used to read my children, I will love you forever and love you for always, as long as I’m breathing my baby you will be.
I can’t believe that is has been 10 days since my last blog. Well, yes, I actually can.
To say the least I have been struggling. There has been an array of things going on and emotions attached to my days that has kept me in some sort of fog. One where the words seem to be trapped inside my mind. I cannot shut them off and but at the same time I cannot express them to relieve my mind. In a blurr of emotion I seem to get lost in myself.
Yet here I am, still at a loss realizing that I promised myself that I would finish strong. That I would over come regardless. That no matter what I would not give up.
So with that, I am back.
I am moving forward.
I am pressing on.
I am doing the next right thing, the best that I can.