That is the title of my blog and the title of the message I listened to from TD Jakes this past Monday. (click on it for the service- stick with it and get to the message you won’t be sorry)
SO my blog today may be a little lengthy in that I want to share with you where I am but also my notes and thoughts on this message that, as I have listened to it over and over again, has started to change me on the inside. (my default settings)
My life is not unlike others. I struggle with all the same things. It hasn’t been easy but, who ever said it would be! This past few years have been especially difficult and I have shared on many occasions on various things touching my life. Even as I type this I can feel myself “beating around the bush” trying to figure out how to share without giving too much detail.
When I started into this past weekend I knew that by weeks beginning my life circumstances would be completely changed. For a host of reasons my marriage would be over and my life would be changed. Bitterness and hatred had crowded their way into lives- even mine. Blame had taken over and lines had been drawn. I was exhausted, hurt, tired, and sick. Although I was able my desire to do it again was gone. The last thing I remember saying to my mom and friend was I am done, apart from a miracle it won’t change. My thinking: I am willing to take responsibility for what is mine but if others are set to continue to make it all me I just can’t.
After a Saturday from hell- emotionally and mentally, I resigned myself to the fact that come Sunday we would be done. I had been praying a dangerous prayer for a few weeks, GOD expose what is in the heart, what is kept secret and do whatever it takes, one way or another, to make a change. I had an uneasy feeling for several days I couldn’t shake to the point of being physically sick. I asked my parents and a few close friends to pray. No details really, just asked for prayer.
Back up to Friday night. My husband asked if there was a conspiracy theory. Had I put people up to calling him. NO- I assured him I had no part in that but I had asked people to pray. People that I know if prompted by the Holy SPirit would do what they thought they needed to do. So after a long talk and a lot of tears I went to bed. Saturday he was gone. By mid afternoon I knew that his time alone to think was not going to end well. There are so many factors- step parenting and all, just the tip of the iceberg.
Sunday a.m. before the sun came up he was home, sitting on the bed with tears in his eyes. You see some where on Saturday night I resigned myself to the fact I couldn’t change it. I AGAIN gave up control or the illusion I ever had any to begin with. Somewhere in the night I feel asleep. Somewhere in the night, the Holy Spirit was continuing his work in my husband and for the first time my husband sat and shouldered what before had been all mine to “own”. As I listened to him share I cried. For so long it has been all my fault. For so long it has been the easiest thing to blame me. I had owned it and became so bitter. I had allowed hate to take root so deep. Here sat my husband telling me how much he loved me, couldn’t imagine his life without me and acknowledging the good things I have brought to him and his daughters. Promising to make real changes, asking forgiveness and loving me.
We talked for a few hours and I went to church with my son Kody. When I got back we talked some more. All day we discussed and all day he took more ownership of things I had said previously would be a miracle if I ever heard.
I have to be honest, I had started looking for another place to live with my boys. I had started preparing myself mentally for a change. I knew GOD could do anything but I also knew that after so many years of blame, it was never going to happen apart from a miracle.
So here I sat Sunday afternoon with my husband asking me to sit with him as he told his daughter he wasn’t leaving and as he shared his wrongs and made things right. She hasn’t been in our home all summer. This wasn’t going to be easy.
We set some wheels in motion this week. Both of us. I feel as if I am walking on a sheet of ice at times. I listen for the cracks and groans beneath my feet.
Monday night I opened my Facebook to see the message there is nothing as powerful as a changed mind. My first thought was WOW my husband sure changed his mind. I am being asked to change mine. So I clicked on the link and listened.
The journey GOD took me on that night lasted into Tuesday morning as I sat and listened to the message again and again.
No part of what we are going through is easy. GREAT change is required from everyone in this house and around us. I am having to reset my thoughts many times a day as I struggle to let go of the past and change my mind.
Below are my notes- as I listened to the message and started to understand why I keep retaking the test. Why I seem to repeat the same things over and over.
You can change everything but if you do not change your mind the same experience will perpetuate over and over again because even if everything outwardly changed if nothing inwardly changed nothing will change.
Make straight paths for my feet- Get it together! Dont let my brokenness get me off the course of my destiny. I have to let it be healed. Some people refuse to recover. I have to let it be healed. It is over. I can’t change it! I can’t fix it! I tried to fix it on my own and it doesn’t work so I have to let it go!
I have to let it be healed. I have to LET it be healed.
It seems the sick would want to be better the hurt would want to be made whole. Net everyone wants to be healed. Sometimes my outer actions say one thing and my inner convictions say something else. Well thou be made whole or are you happy being sick? DO you enjoy being sick? Are you happy being miserable. Being ill we can do whatever we want to do and blame it on how we grew up. That becomes our excuse for our bad behaviors. We always make it an excuse. We can always make it someone elses fault.
Work on your relationships with all people. Follow peace with all men. And holiness.
If I don’t do these things I wont see it- I wont see what God has for me if I don’t get myself together.
Root of bitterness- sins of the heart. Things I can’t see. Things that get in the heart and destroy. They will spoil you. You might have the gifting, talent, education but if your attitude is wrong you will always be spoiled by your own attitude. Your attitude will corrupt opportunity life offers.
We need 2 scrub brushes-
1 scrubs the hearts, attitude and dispositions.
Troubles make us better or bitter- look at what is growing in my heart- maybe I say one thing but think something totally different.
I allow myself to be contaminated by that small thing I just refuse to get over.
Sins of the flesh. What I do with my body, my mouth. Flesh makes decisions that my head has to live with.
Sooner or later there are 3 things that have to be budgeted in my life: power (influence), money, sex (my body).
Dont be stupid and allow myself to make a permanent decision based on a temporary situation.
Dont give away the next 30 years for the next 30 minutes.
This TOO shall pass. The enemy offers the trick,but really it is the stupidity that you have to look out for.
The crisis of being caught in a system of doing something you can not escape. Trapped to repeat the cycle doing the same thing over and over and we can not get out. Some of us get stuck in stupid. Despite of our desire of change and not be able to do it! Very frustrating.
The inability to correct the pattern of the wrong decisions.
I am stuck. In a pattern.
Repentance-to change your mind my pivoting direction. It is not an ideology or a notion. It is radical and change of mind that affects behavior. These are the BIG directional changes. IM going the wrong way and if I don’t make a huge change I will loss my future.
Seeking a change of intelligence with a lot of emotions does not equate to change. Tears don’t mean an indication of any change on the inside at all.
If you go on a computer. They have default settings. Any program has a default. The default sets into the computer that no matter if you deviate or not the computer will take you back to default. Once you exit the program, without changing the default, it wont matter what you did it will take you back to the factory default.
This is how most people live their lives. Their default hasn’t changed. They go to church and yet walk out the door and nothing has changed. You can cry and plead and shout but when you get back home you go back to default.
When you go back to yourself you are stuck in the same pattern as you were before. You cry and pray and beg and sing and go to church yet I still keep going back to the same default.
Until I change my default I will continue to go back to my default because I despite changing everything else I didn’t change my mind.
NOTHING as powerful as a changed mind. NOTHING is as powerful as a changed mind. NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING!
One day you got sick and tired of being sick and tired and change your mind. Today I am tired of being sick and tired.
I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND!
The devil can’t do anything to me. Life can’t do anything to me. People can’t do anything to me. It doesn’t matter what I have done, how little I am, who they are, what they say. There is NOTHING as powerful as a changed mind.
I am not going to fall back into the same type print I was before. I have CHANGED my mind!
IM GETTING READY TO CHANGE SOME DEFAULTS. I’m changing the settings so I can have a new normal! REPENTANCE=A NEW NORMAL.
Whole family has been in the same default settings. Just because the same last name doesn’t mean I have to stay in the same settings. I am getting ready to change my default. The only way off welfare. Change your default settings. Only way to get a good education. Change your default settings. Go into your phone booth spin around and change into Clark Kent and say I am not taking this no more. Change your default settings.
Better than strong emotions is a decision. I dare you to make a decision. If you make a decision it might not even have any emotions in it at all. The prodigal son was in the swine pen and all of a sudden he changed his mind. The pigs couldn’t hold him, the pen couldn’t hold him, the disgrace couldn’t hold him. He changed his mind and went home!
Once you change the default settings and you have a new normal there may be moments where you find yourself typing in your old font. and if you find yourself typing in your old font the devil will come along and say you haven’t been changed. this is how you know you have changed. it is not that you might not mess up and do what you used to do, it is that it is no longer your normal, you aren’t always doing what you used to do. and when it is no longer your normal you wont go back to it like you used to because the moment you get out of the situation you change back into who you are supposed to be.
Both the pig and the sheep can fall into the same mud. The pigs default is to like the mud but the sheep’s default is different. The sheep says I don’t belong in this mess. I might be in it but I do not belong in this mud.
Once you change the default life can make you worry but faith will rise up and drive your worry back and say but GOD is able to do exceedingly above all I can ask and think. FAITH says you are better than this. FAITH says GOD has brought you through too much to let you go now. We might fall into sin or trouble but we don’t wallow in it or stay in it.
The battle ground between right and wrong, GOD and the enemy, between success and struggle, between right and wrong, your destruction or your destiny is in your mind because in your mind is your default settings. As a man thinks in his heart so is he. If you don’t change it in your head you can’t change it in your life. It has to change in your head or it wont change anywhere else. Losing weight, faithful and committed, going after the job, being honest and true- it has to start with a change in your mind.
As long as all the things I can’t do or can’t be or am not good enough for are in my mind as my default settings I wont accomplish anything I need to CHANGE My mind- and change my defaults.
One day when she changed her mind the beatings stopped. One day when he changed his mind the drugs lost their power. One day when she changed her mind the food lost its pull. One day when he changed his mind the job becomes doable.
There is nothing as powerful as a changed mind.
The devil doesn’t mind you coming to church, singing in the choir, preaching, if you do good things and quote scripture. The devil only minds if you change your mind!
Our circumstances and culture all around us affect our default but culture is nothing over CHRIST. There are some things that have been planted in me that have been encouraged to grow, that never should have been. Am I willing to allow a new truth to be planted in place of past experiences and there by change my mind or will I be imprisoned by weakness, ignorance or fear, not because I want those things but because I am unsuccessful at changing my mind?
Once I change in my mind people might do the same things that they used to do but I focused in my mind to respond differently. Anything I focus my mind on I can change. I am the only one that can change that. I have to CHANGE my mind. I don’t have to be anything I don’t want to be if I ever decide to change my mind. Cry all night wont change nothing. There is something in my life I don’t like, patterns I don’t like, the power lays in a changed mind. I can repent and change my mind or I can die because I wont change my mind.
I have to build myself up, initially I have to fight hard to establish a new normal. I have to put on the full armor of GOD!