Here we go

Day 244 Project 365

Today the year is 2/3rds over.  WOW.  And so much yet to be done.  I looked at my list today of things I had hoped to accomplish and I, um, well….I have lots to do.

Where I am today:

The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster as I struggle to constantly change my default settings.  It is hardly as easy as it sounds.  None the less I am moving forward one moment at a time.  I have had a series of headaches for four days now.  It has been awhile since I have had a cluster of them like this so I am sure it is stress/enemy related.  That is okay I am doing what I can and pressing on.

Tonight I had a mini melt down.  Earlier in the week we had a talk with my oldest step daughter and her father informed her of his decision to stay in our marriage and require her to come back home. That is such a nut shell description because really he said some amazing things.   Lots of emotions and days later, tonight she has come back.  Not willingly but she is here.  Before he left to get her I struggled to speak. I asked him if we could please pray together because every part of this will be hard.  Every part and many people want nothing more than to see this fail.  He totally heard me and even prayed exactly what was on my mind. I wept.  He leaned down and said he is trying to think my thoughts, be in my head, understand.  I wept some more.  He drove off and I crawled on our bed and wept.  I have no idea what the world is going to happen.  I have struggled all day not to assume this will not work, to play out different situations in my head and try to retry my brain how to respond/react.  My head is pounding and I just want to take a deep breath and be “normal”.  I lite a candle and ran a hot shower.  I cried some more.  In my spirit I heard the Lord speaking to my heart.  He is greater than this and He is in control, if I let Him be.  I have to trust.  (It is hard Lord, I have done this so many times before)  Yet this time trust me with a new mind, a changed mind, a new way of thinking.

I am listening!

He has brought me too far to leave me where I am and if I trust and have faith in where He is leading me I will not be let down.

 

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2 thoughts on “Here we go

  1. Leslie, my heart just aches for you! It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks as long as you are doing the will of the Father!!!! Proverbs 16:9 says, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. I like what Joni Eareckson Toda once said, “Ours is an intentional God brimming over with motive and mission. He never does things capriciously, or decides with the flip of a coin.” Sometimes God’s plans are crystal clear, sometimes not. Be patient, keep searching, keep praying. In time he will reveal his plans, but you’ll only discover those plans by doing his will. I will continue to pray for you. I am here if you need a shoulder to cry on. I am a good listener if nothing else. Love you!

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