I was on my way back from Lynchburg one night. I had made the trip several times before and knew my way. I was driving along and listening to the radio, drinking my coffee, cruise control on. It was dark, probably about 10:30 at night when things stopped looking familiar. I knew I had missed a turn. The roads I knew I should be on by now were no where in sight. Of course, if you have traveled that area you know there is nothing. It is farm land and a few houses and shops sprinkled along the way. I kept driving. Turning around at this point might mean hours of back tracking with no guarantee I would recognize where I should turn or where I had made my mistake. My plan was simple, just continue forward until some road sign showed me where I was or where I needed to be. Finally about an hour later I saw a sign. I was heading into the mountains or to Washington DC and needed to detour around so that I could get back on the interstate that would lead me home. What would have been a 3 1/2 hour trip would be 6 but I knew where I needed to go, FINALLY!
It is simple to go through the motions. I have done this same thing before. I get on an auto pilot of sorts. One thing I am learning this week is that in changing my thinking, my mind, I can not allow myself to be on auto pilot. The cruise control can’t be engaged.
This is taking work.
Sunday I had a melt down of sorts.
Well, in reality I had one…no sorts about it. I spent so much time trapped in my own head I couldn’t even stand it.
Monday brought some clarity of mind and I was able to digest what I had been thinking and feeling and share were needed.
Bottom line for me- I know this road. I have been there before. What I was not paying attention to was the changes. Subtile as they may be the landscape does change. I have to change my thinking. Not all change is bad. Not all change will fail. I can go along thinking I “know” my way when really that might be my problem all along. It might take me so far out of my way that I feel panic or fear. It might be a huge inconvenience that could have been avoided had I paid attention, had I not been distracted. Then there is the chance that I am just going along, nothing is changing but I am comfortable and complacent, for a while at least. Maybe I am ok with the chaos. (GULP) At least I know what to expect and how to “deal”. A lot to process and think about.
By Tuesday I was able to take a deep breath, swallow hard and walk myself through what I needed to do. A head knowledge had to become a heart knowledge and I needed to back track a little to right my course. I won’t say I have done this completely but, with grace I have started to make the turn. I am paying less attention to where I went wrong and missed my turn and more attention to the course I need to take to get where I am supposed to be. Instead of defaulting and going back like my mind likes to do, I am attempting to correct course and keep moving forward.
I will keep you posted……………