Fully Alive

Day 284 Project 365

I have no real excuse.  No real excuse that it has been 33 days since my last blog.  A project that I promised myself would not skip a beat.  Yet here I am 33 days, a whole month and I haven’t penned a word. Well, I have, just not on here.

Over the course of the last month so many things have been changing.  Things in my public and personal life.  Mostly things in my heart and in my mind and on that very personal note, I have penned them to the wind. I have written the deepest thoughts of my heart and mind and set them free.  Hoping yet, praying.  For the course of my thoughts has not always been truth as I have always understood it but then again it has set me free.  I know for most this blog will make no sense but it is my humble attempt to set my course.  It is my way to express the things that I need to without really saying them.  I know the power of the things pulling at me on the inside.  I know the draw of the thing that is setting me free.  I can taste it, touch it and am overwhelmingly drawn to it.  SO close yet so far away.

I walked along the surf the other night, all alone. Toes digging into the sand. Water rushing up and washing away the things that I thought I knew.  I watched as the sun set and begged that this feeling not go with it.  Knowing that chances are it’s already gone.  Hoping in something far greater than I can comprehend.

Oh I have prayed.  I have sought. I know.  I speak.  I can completely articulate that which is holding me together. I know the end even as I am just beginning.  I am learning and living and yet holding my breath.

This is a new place.  One I will hold to my heart. One I am not yet ready to completely explain. One I am not yet ready to completely release.  Chances are I never will.  I have surrendered to the fact it is far larger than me. I may be wrong Yet, I am very much fully alive.

With just a word, a smell, a touch, a taste.  Things are not as they once were and I am fully alive.

 

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