No Guilt

wineDay 3 Project 365

Watching the news this morning they were saying that by day 3 in the new year over 80% of our new years resolutions are already broken!
When I started this project last January it wasn’t about new years resolutions in the traditional sense of the word but about redefining myself and my life and my piles and my issues and….well you get the point. So as I looked over the list at different points in the year sure, I had momentary bouts of “wow I should have more crossed off by now!” The old me would have felt guilt, failure and frustration. However, for the most part, I noticed that even if I wasn’t as far along as I would have liked to be in some areas I was still in a better place than I had been in 2011. I experienced great freedom in letting go of some list of rules or expectations and learned to live, REALLY live! I learned to be okay with me and what I felt and feel and think and want and need. So the times of reflection became less about the guilt of “failing” and more about the success of forward motion, of change and growth and learning to live free.

SO today I read this “Your past does not determine who you are. Your past prepares you for who you are to become. God has given you a new beginning—a fresh start.

In the past when I look at all the things I start and never finished I always felt like a failure, then again, I tended to think that about myself a lot. I would look at all the things I didn’t do, did wrong, could have done, and measured myself by some standard that was so unhealthy and so full of lie and hurt and pain that I couldn’t see the real me! I couldn’t even begin to see or accept or believe what others saw. Somewhere along the journey of 2012 I learned that my past no longer determined who I was. It does not define who I am! It has prepared me however for who I am and were I am going. 2011 threatened to end my life. I started 2012 knowing that I had to do something different and saw it as a new beginning and what a journey it has been and as I enter into 2013 I see a fresh start on yet another exciting chapter in my story.

The most exciting part is the things I am learning. The things that I have come to believe and the amazing people who love me so unconditionally that they have continued to pour into my life. I wish I could take the moments I started to believe things about myself and paint a picture for the whole world to see. I wish I could do justice in words to this amazing feeling of looking in the mirror and realizing I am beautiful and wow the moment when someone said it and I believed it for the first time – EVER! It took till I was 42 years old! Amazing! To be free and to embrace who I am has been so freeing. To realize and own my OWN truth has been amazing. Nothing short of a miracle to stand up for myself and be me!

For the things that still are yet to be done there is a strength like no other. A drive and an inspiration I can not explain.
For this new vision there is purpose and passion for which there are no words.
For this new year there is an amazing hope and a drive, full of desire and passion and the best part, no guilt. And the best part a living God that pours lavish Grace upon my life daily. Amazing family and loving friends that have been the greatest gifts money could never buy! Topped of with a sense of freedom that can only get deeper and richer and more abundant!

So amazing……………..


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