Cleaning my expectations!

clipboardDay 6 Project 365

So this guy behind me in line says, “Yeah, my expectations got punched in the face!” Hard not to keep listening as who ever was on the other end of the phone got an ear full. I wanted to turn around and say “I can totally relate!” What I expect and what is reality rarely are the same thing. There are things we expect because over time we know them to be true or is it that we assume? With every expectation I think there is an assumption that is just as large. Even then some times my expectations I already know are not right. Sometimes they can be one-sided, selfish and even a bit shallow. Then still my expectations can be harsh, unrealistic and even slightly OCD! Sometimes I think my expectations are steeped in co-dependency. Other times they are wishful thinking.
I know I am rambling and really may have done nothing more than confuse you! I think I am a little confused myself.

It is like when my kids were all home and much younger and I would assign a chore. I have a very set way of cleaning that, in my opinion, yields the best result. I like things done a certain way, top to bottom and where you only have to touch everything once. I like my towels folded a certain way and my blankets. One day, and I do believe I shared this story before, I had asked one of the kids to fold the towels and they did. Later when I opened the linen closet, there were all the towels, folded but not the way I expected them to be. I was so frustrated and started to re-fold them and then it hit me. They had been folded just like I asked. They were put away just like I asked. I can’t expect someone to fold them exactly as I do, after all this is a child holding a big towel trying to fold it to look just “so”! Really Leslie?! Immediately I stopped RE folding the towels, I closed the door and thanked my child!

It really isn’t about “if you want something done right you just have to do it yourself!” It is more about the expectation I think and the degrees we place on them. I don’t know. Going back to the thought that maybe I have done nothing more than ramble but I know for two days I have been lost over what is real, what is expected, what is assumed, what matters, what is just “fluff” or a set up for hard feelings and resentments, tears and pain. Then there is the why and the reasons that form my expectations and assumptions. If I am honest I think I sometimes have some whacked out reasons for things. If I am really honest sometimes those reasons are based on un-forgiveness, frustration, resentment and bitterness. Then there is the how. how can I get so mad at others for expectations I place? How can I get my feelings hurt or be disappointed when the expectations were based on crap anyway. I hate when people do that to me. Set a bar so high they themselves couldn’t jump it. Isn’t that one of the things that drives me so crazy yet, don’t I do the same thing? And are all my good intentions really expectations in disguise?

I have been writing this blog all day. Its short, reflective and has been a bit painful and my house is now clean, the thing I do the most when I am stressed or upset is clean. I did it all myself, my way, my own expectations directed straight at me. I spent this entire time having one heck of a wake up call with myself. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think expectations are bad. I think expectations can be very good and necessary, motivating and challenging. I know too that expectations are two sided too. That it is part of an action reaction process. I know there are times, like with my kids, when I will ask for something to be done and my expectations aren’t met because they are too busy being mad I asked them to do it so they do a rushed job with a bad attitude yielding a “do over” on their part. It is today that I realized I DO THE SAME THING! Ugh- I knew it already just, time to clean up my expectations. Time to hold myself to a different standard and re define whats behind some of what I think and do.

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