Yesterday was successful and exhausting! Literally my entire house got cleaned along with baking and a great dinner! Mentally and emotionally me, myself and I had a good long talk yesterday which lead to epiphanies today! Although it is probably a good thing I have an office alone. This morning I continued on said deep thinking journey and had a mini argument with myself after a “moment” we will call it of clarity.
Being introduced to the truth is not always easy but, if I change my thinking patterns I can find motivation to continue forward, learning what needs to be learned and moving on. Part of that change is excepting it is totally okay to feel exactly what I am feeling right now with no guilt and no shame. Deep again I know or maybe it is just me. Yeah, it is just me since I am dancing around calling things “moments!”
SO on my ride home I had another moment and was able to speak some truth and share and wow, I get it! I so totally get it! What is it? It is the knowledge that I am not the same person I used to be and I am not predestined to repeat the same mistakes. That means what I am feeling is totally okay and if I do say so myself that is pretty amazing!
So often if I let myself I can get roped back in to a way of thinking that but that is only if I allow it and down that road is a place that will keep me sick and stuck. Nope- no more! It is a daily choice to do something new and as any one knows sometimes it is minute by minute or second by second. I am sure if you read back over a year its in there. It is a lesson I have learned on many different levels over the last year and I will keep learning it.
I am dealing with a range of emotions all over the scale. Not all are pretty but some, breath-taking. It is this amazing feeling of finding myself and believing things for the first time. It is a battle to forgive that is almost daily. It is putting hate in its place and seeing it for the poison it is. It is taking a look back to move forward with “back” no longer having a hold. It is being surrounded by the best kids, family and friends anyone could ask for and knowing that if I need a minute I have it and don’t have to feel guilt. It is this incredible sense of free. Free to speak the truth, to feel emotions I never thought I would feel again! To feel value and be able to believe it. The unfolding of amazing memories! The feeling of passion and purpose and desire and grace, abundant grace!
Chances are this is going to be the most amazing year of my life.
(I borrowed the picture from HERE! The beach has held some pretty amazing moments for me.)