Tag Archive | living

Let’s get real

Some days my journal leads me to blog! Getting quiet for a long period of time for me is either the result of a busy life or the fact I need to process what is going on. That process can take a hot minute as normally the first filter is my own human flawed response. Then comes the filter of the Word, what God impresses on me as I surrender the issues at hand. Sometimes phase 1 (the me getting out of my own head phase) only lasts a few minutes or seconds even. Other times it moves slightly into phase 2 where God and I talk through what I see and am experiencing in the physical and apply what He is impressing on my heart and what His word says.

A little deeper: I totally realize and recognize that when I start to pray and really let my life line up with where God wants me now and wants to take me things will happen. I am not one that believes in perfect Christian life. That’s fake news! I do know that my walk and faith is like body armor ( see Eph 6) and that when I was given this armor to wear as I walk towards filling that God shaped hole We all were born with and then walking the purpose I was created for.

So that leads me to where I am in my quietness right now! I’m currently conversing with God “hot and heavy” as I struggle with the things I see and feel happening, what I have experienced in my “story” as a result of similar people, events, feelings and stressors before, and where I am now. Knowing that the old me would say “the hell with all of it I can walk my faith with out this mess” and the struggle to not give in and walk away! Reconciling all that to what I know God has impressed on us to accomplish and do! Knowing that the years the “locusts ate away” HE is restoring each day! I know that the enemy has his minions that are so eaten up with hate and discontent, the minions that are “well meaning citizens just looking out for the good” that live in Glass Houses just waiting to find the next thing to complain about. Reconciling that my GOD is bigger!

Yesterday I could have snapped and lost it. I throw my hands up and was ready to be done. Completely done but with that feeling came knowing this kind of done leads to a hear hardening! My anger was off the charts mixed with hurt feelings and a lack of trust! I quieted my heart, cried some serious tears and remembered : my GOD loves me, loves my husband, my family, my friends that love us like family. My God knows our story! He too was falsely accused. He too paid a price. He too stood in the crowd of people defending someone when the haters stood there with their stones and self righteous attitudes and reminded them

Last night I considered having truck loads of stones delivered to certain people’s homes! I contemplated passing them out to those people who smile to your face and gossip and spread lies behind your back. Who have no clue what the hell they are talking about and live in a graceless life where they categorize sins to make their own crap not smell so sickening, with tongue in cheek as they stir the pot and spread strive.

Then I realized He has never left us! We have waked through consequences, contempt, pure hell and here we are! He is and has faithfully restored because we live our life for and in Him! We have lived for over a decade doing the next right thing! We haven’t lived easy but we have lived faithful.

I went to bed drained and weary and laid awake for hours continually laying down the things I keep wanting to pick up! Surrendering them to the Lord because only He can quiet this “storm”. I woke with my dear sister from another mother sending me this ”

Don’t call everything a conspiracy, like they do, and don’t live in dread of what frightens them. Make the Lord of Heaven’s Armies holy in your life. He is the one you should fear. He is the one who should make you tremble. He will keep you safe. But to Israel and Judah he will be a stone that makes people stumble, a rock that makes them fall. And for the people of Jerusalem he will be a trap and a snare. Many will stumble and fall, never to rise again. They will be snared and captured.” Preserve the teaching of God; entrust his instructions to those who follow me. I will wait for the Lord , who has turned away from the descendants of Jacob. I will put my hope in him.

Isaiah 8:12‭-‬17 NLT

That text pulled me right out of the shopping cart for stone haulers and right back to the glorious reminder that GOD has even this (again) and I will put my hope in Him!

So stone throwers in my life that think you know when you have no clue what or who or where we are …. do not choke on your stones! Look around you for the wolf is dressed as a sheep and those that you desire to persecute might just be living a GRACE filled life walking with the Lord doing exactly what HE has called them to do! I will let go and let Him deal with your hateful and hurtful heart!

And Lord help me today help us today as we keep our eyes fixed on you and you alone! As we continue to run our lives through Your hands and seek you first! As we continue to tithe is our time or money and our talent. As we continue to trust and walk with you! Forgive my flaw and anger and help me to continue to be real in my relationship with you and others.

Here to stay !!!!! ( sorry Not sorry)

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A new year

Oh it’s been a “minute” since I have last penned a page but with this new year of possibility comes a desire to simplify and reconnect. What better place to start

Happy 2018! Time to reconnect , revive, restore and rejuvenate.

Negative Focus

focus

He has to renew my mind because I can not.  I am flawed and lack focus.  Well correction.  I can focus on the wrong things. I can focus on the problem not the solution. I can spin in circles draining my joy trying to master the problem, make it make sense, understand it and still find no way to control it.

“A renewed mind is Presence-focused.” That comes from a daily renewing of my mind.

Not every mountain is mine to climb.  Not every problem is mine to solve.  At the last minute there may be a detour and if I am focused too far ahead I have wasted so much time and energy that I fall out of focus on the today, on the now.  He ALWAYS makes provision, I have to seek Him, renew in Him, focus on Him and stay immersed, in Him.

The result is I lose my Joy and I have days like I had yesterday where I allow outside stuff to steal my peace.  I lose my focus.  I think it was last week I read a devotion on Choosing Joy. 

“. Jesus did not come so that we can merely survive life. Pagans can survive life. Jesus came to be our joy…..Joy is not the result of outward circumstances. Joy is an inside job, a deeply rooted confidence that God is in control. Every trial or loss, every defeat or victory measured against this confidence can be counted as joy….The Apostle Paul was a man of great joy. By human terms, he had every right to be angry and even bitter. Instead, he chose joy. Persecuted, imprisoned and facing His own death, Paul says, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:12-12, NIV)…..We cannot avoid pain but we can avoid joy. Our inward perspective does not have to reflect our outward circumstances. The pursuit of joy is a matter of choice…..

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, a baseball cap on his head, ball and bat in hand. He was muttering, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!” Then he tossed the ball in the air, swung at it, and missed. “Strike one!” He picked up the ball, threw it into the air and said to himself, “I’m the greatest hitter ever!” He swung at the ball again. “Strike two!” He paused, examined his bat and ball and threw the ball into the air, missing a third time. He cried out, “Wow! I’m the greatest pitcher in the world!”

Yes, the pursuit of joy is a matter of choice and perspective. It is also a matter of obedience. As Christians, one of our spiritual priorities should be joy.

“One ship sails east.

One ship sails west.

Regardless of how the winds blow,

It is the set of the sail

And not the gale

That determines the way we go.”

(Author unknown)

Set your sails for joy, girlfriend! Celebrate! Revel in who God is, in what He has done, is doing and will do in your life when you choose joy.”

 

And there it is.  Perspective.  Choice. A matter of obedience.

Keeping it real….today is a new day.

 

Pause

pause

In just one pause, one deep breath, one slow down there can be peace.

….And just like that a few days slip past and I am absorbed back into the chaos and perspective and peace are in my rear view mirror.  Lesson number one for me today- relationships doesn’t take the weekend off.  Lesson number two in direct line with lesson number one- I need to stay dialed in to my pursuit of perspective and peace by staying dialed in to my relationship with God.  Lesson number three- my days are filled with me, an imperfect person, moving through an imperfect world, surrounded by other imperfect people doing less then imperfect things so why expect anything less?

I must keep my perspective on the things that matter- on GOD.  On the one perfect in my imperfect life.  Things seem great I must trust Him.  Things are falling apart I must trust Him.  Its a lazy Saturday afternoon I must trust Him.  Its a world wind Monday I must trust Him.  When my bonus is big I must trust Him. When I don’t know how we will make it through I must trust Him.

I have to build in the pause.  I have to build it in as I start my day and every hour of every day because life is going to through me crap, curve balls, distractions and sometimes even good ones.  I have to have those 10 second windows built in to remember HE is perfect.  To see things through Him.  To ask. To wait. To listen.  To hear.  It is not about my circumstances but about my reactions, about my right responses and the ONLY place I will find those is in the Pause- in the Purposeful Perspective that comes with Peace.

So as I am hurrying to do something last night that was good but not necessary, as I missed my exit and back tracked around, as I walked in to just turn around and walk out, as I grumbled the first 1o minutes of my ride back home I heard that small voice. ” Not everything that is good is worth it and did you even take a moment to pause today?”

Ps 73 21-28

21 Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
    and I was all torn up inside.
22 I was so foolish and ignorant—
    I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
23 Yet I still belong to you;
    you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
    leading me to a glorious destiny.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
    I desire you more than anything on earth.
26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
    but God remains the strength of my heart;
    he is mine forever.

27 Those who desert him will perish,
    for you destroy those who abandon you.
28 But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
    I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
    and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.

Attitude of Adventure

adventure

noun an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity.
verb engage in hazardous and exciting activity, especially the exploration of unknown territory.
Very rarely have I woke up in the  morning thinking, “wow, what adventure awaits me today!”  If I am honest any adventure in my day usually had something to do with Dora the Explorer and now since the kids are grown/growing its the grand babies world of Minnie and Elmo.  Adventure is not necessarily how I see my day.
Enter the end of 2015 and start of 2016 when I resolved not to resolve.  I decided to take it moment by moment with a bent towards doing small manageable goals that for once are sustainable and obtainable.  In a world where I love to make lists and check off and get things done I can easily map out my day and miss a lot of what has happened.  I recognize that going through the motions even if a result is achieved is not always best.  Then there are the days since I started this new outlook that I feel like giving up.  Yet I am reminded again today to change my VIEW- my perspective.  To take each day as an adventure carefully planned out my guide.
Jesus Calling devotion today reads like this:

-Jesus Calling Devotion For January 13-
Try to view each day as an adventure, carefully planned out by your Guide. Instead of staring into the day that is ahead of you, attempting to program it according to your will, be attentive to Me and to all I have prepared for you. Thank Me for this day of life, recognizing that it is a precious, unrepeatable gift. Trust that I am with you each moment, whether you sense My Presence or not. A thankful, trusting attitude helps you to see events in your life from My perspective.

A life lived close to Me will never be dull or predictable. Expect each day to contain surprises! Resist your tendency to search for the easiest route through the day. Be willing to follow wherever I lead. No matter how steep or treacherous the path before you, the safest place to be is by My side.

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
—Psalm 118:24

To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
—1 Peter 2:21

What a great 13 days of 2016. Each day has been full of adventure- highs and lows a like.  And I have been trusting and thankful, living my days closer to Him that sustains me and has never failed me.  My trust is in HIM, my hope is in HIM.  Listen my life has NEVER been dull.  Like everyone, it is always something, but I am promised that this is the day HE made and He will direct my steps when I recognize that today is a day he made, a precious gift that once lived is gone.  When I take every moment and every interaction and see it through His eyes it really does change me and change the results of my day.
Welcome Wednesday- lets get this adventure started…………

Do the 1 thing

be who So I had a total different plan for my blog this morning.  Each morning I spend some time in the word and read a few devotions that have ministered to me over the years.  I just love it when the words for the day are so intertwined and link together.  When the word just leaps off the page and penetrates my soul.  After some time in the word this morning I opened up my Proverbs 31 email to read today’s devotion and wow-

“God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’ and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’” Job 37:5-6 (NIV) – See more at: http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/#sthash.8tA9L5y8.dpuf

Today’s devotion is about being who God created you to be.  A common theme maybe but as I have spent the last few months trying to find my place, own my own stuff and find a way to define what I need and where I stand and my direction, today really ministered to my heart.  The devotion goes on to say:

“So God says to the snow, “Fall on the earth.” That’s it. Just do one thing. Just fall. And then He says to the rain shower, “Be a mighty downpour.” Essentially, He’s saying: Just do the thing I’ve actually created you to do. You’re rain … so rain. You’re snow … so snow.

I love the simplicity of that, the tremendous weight it takes off my shoulders. God’s asking me to be the thing He’s already created me to be. And He’s asking you to be the thing He’s already created you to be.

He doesn’t tell the snow to thaw and become rain, or the rain to freeze itself into snow. He says, essentially: Do your thing. Do the thing you love to do, what you’ve been created to do.”

JUST DO THE THING!  If I am snow then snow.  If I am rain then pour down!  I have reread this a dozen times.  With tear stained cheeks I realize that yet again I get so lost in all the expectations and seemingly necessary stuff that I end up dancing to a song I created instead of the play list He set apart for me.  Yes, there are things I must do but, when and why did I stop JUST DOING THE THING?  I let too many other things define me.  I get stuck in a Martha habit when a Mary heart is sometimes needed.  Oh my goodness I am moved today, moved to rediscover and redefine and reignite.  I am excited that though this word wasn’t written just for me today it found me right when I needed to be pushed to the next level.  Right when I needed to define the next moment by moment thing for today!  Right when I needed to JUST DO THE THING!

With great anticipation I step boldly……….

The sweetest thing

steps

This weekend we celebrated our anniversary.  At dinner we were talking about this crazy life of ours and the road we have traveled so far and what we hoped to do with what lies ahead.

In looking back and remembering, one thing has always been clear, we have had to do a lot of letting go.  A lot of trusting in Him with the events of our lives moment by moment.  Most of the time this was because when left to our own we dashed ahead, and not always in the same direction.

As we talked about anniversaries and years past it was reassuring to know that the same people that entered into this marriage are not the same two people sitting at this table right now.  The sweetest part of the evening wasn’t the Chocolate Crème brûlée but in sharing with each other the best part about our years together and where we are now.  It was in looking ahead to where we are going and the goals we have.  Here we are reminded to continue to let God order those steps.

Starting 2016 with that moment by moment trust.  In my marriage, in my walk, in my work.  Remembering that if I want to stay in HIM and walk the the path He has for me I most trust Him in the moments and not rush ahead with My goals.