Tag Archive | Peace

Power

I saw this picture on my friends Facebook page the other day and was moved. Here in the midst of these mighty waves stands the light house.  To me it speaks to the things the Lord has been showing me, to pursue peace by right perspective.  To keep my eyes on Him.  A thousand or more correct choices a day.  Persistent choices.  Purposeful choices. No matter the storms that are ranging around me or just life full of its diversions and distractions.    He is not merely a temporary retreat.  If I take where I am right now and see it through His eyes, knowing that in this place is something I need to learn.  I need to be attentive to keep my focus and perspective.

In this place I find peace regardless of the waves that crash around me.

He is my lighthouse

Psalm 46
1 God is our refuge and strength,
always ready to help in times of trouble.
2 So we will not fear when earthquakes come
and the mountains crumble into the sea.
3 Let the oceans roar and foam.
Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge! Interlude
4 A river brings joy to the city of our God,
the sacred home of the Most High.
5 God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed.
From the very break of day, God will protect it.
6 The nations are in chaos,
and their kingdoms crumble!
God’s voice thunders,
and the earth melts!
7 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;
the God of Israel[b] is our fortress. Interlude
8 Come, see the glorious works of the Lord:
See how he brings destruction upon the world.
9 He causes wars to end throughout the earth.
He breaks the bow and snaps the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God!
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world.”
11 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;
the God of Israel is our fortress.

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Ok to Choose

goodbetterbest

So if you know me at all you know I love to bake and every single Christmas I bake.  A LOT!  From Frosted sugar cookies to fudge, Santa surprises to chocolate covered pretzels.  Probably about a dozen various special treats and gift them to my family, friends and neighbors (and help my husband need gift exchange because he gained another pant size.)   This past holiday season I did not bake.  Nope. Not one single treat and let me tell you, you would have thought I committed the unpardonable sin.

Let me explain.

The last quarter of 2015 I realized something I have never grasped before (or maybe held so loosely too I let it slip away).  Everything that is good is not profitable.  Everything that I like to do and want to do is not always what is best. I can’t do everything.  Not everything is meant for me to do.

I tried to go full steam ahead, do all the things I think are expected of me and all the things I need to do, all the things other people should be doing and find time for the things I love then I burn myself out.  Add to that being in a desert place spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally and you have a recipe for a meltdown.  I was at capacity and on empty and realized very clearly that if I added one more thing I would be in trouble.

So I choose wisely.

I realized that the things I had no control over were out of control and the things I could control I needed to reevaluate for importance.  The cookies, a few parties, decorating, projects around the house, extra activities I hoped to do- all made the cut.

The cookies was the biggest thing.  I found myself apologizing. I cried. I felt like I was letting everyone down in falling to make this holiday tradition happen.  I mean as silly as it is now because everyone did survive without Christmas cookies (to hear my husband you would think he lost a limb and was starved to death).  The moment at which I came to the realization that to make the cookies meant sacrificing being able to stand up without excruciating pain in my knee, meant giving up sleep my frazzled mind and body desperately needed, meant letting down my kids and my husband and my poor neighbor who starts asking at Thanksgiving when I will start baking, I realized something.  In that moment I realized growth. Growth in that I put what was best for me before what was good and everyone made it out alive.  I put what was needed before what was wanted.

May not sound like a big deal but to me this is huge. I live in the place of making everyone else happy.  Not because they require it but because I do.  I have always been a Martha and I needed a Mary moment. I need to be still (well as still as I could be) and I needed to catch my breath, to eat someone else’s cookies, to be quiet and boring and rest and miss those parties. I needed to not second guess my saying No and rest in my right to choose.

Too often I get lost in the “must’s” and the “think I should’s”.  Simple answer as to why:  because I lost perspective and peace.  I stopped seeking the plan for my day in a quiet and still moment with my maker. I started borrowing from what could happen and what should happen instead of living in what was happening and allowing it to.  I filled my time with stuff- necessary or not.

Now in setting limits, expressing your needs and making clear boundaries, in choosing, sometimes others are offended. Sometimes they see it as your feelings are more important than theirs.  For me that is not what it was about at all. It was for me and continues to be because I have been to the bottom and I know what it feels like to not choose and loose myself, almost completely and finally.

What a freedom there is in living IN today. Taking moment by moment.  I am sure I sound like a broken record but there is peace and taking it as it comes and trusting and resting that my steps are order, when I have HIS perspective on my day.

choices

 

Mary and Martha
38-40 As they continued their travel, Jesus entered a village. A woman by the name of Martha welcomed him and made him feel quite at home. She had a sister, Mary, who sat before the Master, hanging on every word he said. But Martha was pulled away by all she had to do in the kitchen. Later, she stepped in, interrupting them. “Master, don’t you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand.”
41-42 The Master said, “Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.”

*Disclaimer:  No innocent husbands were hurt in the process. My sister saved the day and made sure his waist line didn’t miss out on cookies and that there was a plate for Santa*

 

P’s

pp

When I was little I hated peas. Seriously my mom and dad would have to give me and my little sister Danielle a $1 a spoon and then I would swallow them whole with a huge gulp of milk. While my sister Brooke would just eat the whole bowl, for FREE.  EWWWW

I’m older now and I actually will eat some types of sweet peas on occasion but still find my self struggling with other types of P’s in my life.  You know:  procrastination, problems, pressure, people, perspective, peace.

I am learning continually the art of perspective and the lessons are coming as fast as I can  focus/refocus.  I can’t always look ahead, plan out, control what is happening.  Too many variables.  In my readings this morning a light bulb moment- when the wave is headed at me it seems so treacherous.  If I focus on the circumstances and spring into control, kill or be kill, knee jerk reaction mood I surely will drown when that wave hits. I will most certainly blow it into something larger than it was ever intended to be.  Yet if I keep my focus in the moment firmly planted in and on GOD and trust Him with the circumstances, trust Him with the storm, then by the time the wave reaches me it is shrunk to proportions of HIS design.

Philippians 4:4-7The Message (MSG)

4-5 Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

6-7 Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Perspective is a lesson I am learning every day.  As I continue taking moment by moment, living in the here and now and looking ahead, I have to remember continually to assume nothing, to release that which is not mine to own, to seek HIM first in all my Steps and not focus on what seems to be headed my way.  I can control nothing but boy do I think I can.  When I keep my perspective in check and on him then the circumstances of my day, the events, the interaction with people ( and traffic) are manageable.  When I change my perspective then peace follows.  And these are P’s I can devour.

(Jesus Calling devo inspiration)

 

Just a number

scaleDay 15 Project 365

We were moving! Moving in to a 3200 sq ft house. I was excited and exhausted. The previous owners had left a mess. ( HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT!) No part of this house didn’t have to be cleaned, painted or repaired. So after weeks of work we were down to the final steps. We needed to prime and paint every room so we called in the troops. Literally a dozen people on top of the 9 of us, descended upon our house in a paint party to end all paint parties. We had started early in the morning and by lunch time we were a tad punchy. It was about then that we realized that most of the punchiness was due to the fact that for the last hour we had been using the 2nd bucket of primer we had opened and it was oil based and we were all pretty much high. The jokes were flowing and the laughter was too. I remember a friend pulling up in the drive way and hollering in, I can tell you are all high from the fumes out here. We laughed and went back to painting. We were almost done and finishing off the formal dining room. It was me, my oldest son Nik and my friend Mary. The ‘Your MOMMA” jokes had started about 20 minutes earlier. Nik says to Mary your momma is so fat she eats Wheat Thicks instead of Wheat Thins! I think we laughed so hard we cried. Mary called her husband and told him about the paint mistake, the fumes, the wheat thicks. We laughed some more.

My friend is telling me the other day about the show Duck Dynasty and how one of the guys is going mattress shopping. I guess one guy says he doesn’t like to have to shake the sheets to find his woman. He likes that all he has to do is look for the low spot.

Once I was standing in line at the store when this guy says to his friend, “If she needs to eat a sub, I ain’t interested!” Now every time my husband sees a really skinny girl he says, “she needs to eat a sub!”

We have all heard the jokes and funny stories and laughed a little. As someone who struggles with the issue of weight I have laughed and cried my share of tears at the rude comments, hurtful looks, lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. I have been convinced I am not good enough because I don’t look a certain way. I have heard the “your kids will be ashamed of you comments” one too many times. I have tried every fad diet and tried and tried and tried. Some successes and some failures. I have been slave to the number checking and re checking. I have allowed outside sources to determine the number attached to my goal. What would make me beautiful to be defined my things that fade away. I surely wasn’t design for YOUR idea of what looks good on me or what it looks like to be in my skin.

Even my perspective on this issue has to change. A number on a scale doesn’t define me. Your idea of beautiful should not define me. I might never be what you think is skinny enough or pretty enough.

I love the commercials, I think it is for the Dove campaign for real beauty. Real women loving who they are and being comfortable in their skin. Could I do it? Probably not! Not quite there yet!

Being comfortable in my own skin means way more than being okay with what I see when I look in the mirror.

I have lost and gained and lost and gained and though I have been in the mode of losing since my son’s wedding it is quite different this time. I haven’t made a big deal. I haven’t shared my “new number” with many. People have noticed and made comment. I have thanked them. I am trying to not allow a number to be what it is about. To be my focus. I am not a slave to a number. I am not following some crazy set of rules that are destined to fail. (I can say that with complete certainty because I have done this before). As I examine my perspective I know that even this area of my life needs a change of my vision. It will never work if I don’t change my insides. My outlook starts on the inside too. Just like guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Food in and of itself doesn’t make me fat. I know my thoughts have a huge part of what I look like on the outside. As I identify my real feelings I find 95% of the time I am not even remotely hungry. I am finding that as I acknowledge my emotions and my thoughts I can deal with them instead of self medicate with food.

I have a lot of things I am learning right now. Perspectives that are changing and even in this moment I am making an active choice to do just that.

I don’t share the stories above without a point. I laugh differently today then I did back then. I used to laugh with an over whelming sense of guilt and shame. Today, I laugh because it is just a number, a thing. It doesn’t define me nor is it who I am destined to be. I am making strides, huge leaps and bounds above where I used to be. Maybe you can’t see it but, its okay! The biggest change is in me. Is in the things that no longer have the power to pull me.

Continuing to change..

Picture Credit
Resource-
Lose it For Life This book is pretty awesome. They have a little daily devotional/inspirational book too that is great. It really addresses the change in thinking needed. It is a great resource if you have the time to read it.

MORE BEAUTIFUL YOU – Johnny Diaz

Bitter Root

dogDay 14 Project 365

And so it continues into the night.

I have these nights when I can not shut off my brain. I do everything I know possible to relax and shut down but, sleep is nowhere to be found. Instead, a whirl of thoughts and before I know it sunrise is approaching.

Last night was one of those nights.

After days of thoughts on perspective, changing my outlook, inner healing I have been in some deep thought.

Like a dog with a bone, I have a hold of something I can’t seem to let go. I spent the day yesterday talking to myself wondering why, why can’t I seem to shake this one thing. Some where around 2 a.m. it dawned on me. I don’t think I want to let it go. I think if I let it go I know I will have to actually participate in life with people I don’t want in my life. Even the not wanting in my life is a problem. I don’t feel I created the problem. Yet, it has become one. A big one! What part is mine? What is really not? A mix of hellacious crap.

Deep breath and small side note. No names are needed and please, if you “think” you know to whom I am referring because you are in my “inner circle”, please don’t even ask.

It is enough to know this. I have some deep seeded un-forgiveness. I have some bitterness and resentments and I don’t want to let them go. I know I need to. I know un-forgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I know it is the bait of satan. I know that my issue lays a lot in how I perceive people and situations and the need for “justice” and validation and (gulp) revenge! I know that I can not move forward until I address this and let it go. I also know that some of this is misplaced and that in itself is a hornets nest. I know! Understand? I really KNOW! I have let it go before AND gone RIGHT back.

Part of getting whole and changing perspective is admitting, painfully, honestly, completely admitting. There is something I have allowed to take took root in my life. Deep root. I allowed it. I welcomed it in, polished it, made it comfy and poured it some tea. There are moments when I am in a situation and I have a thought and think WOAH Who have I become?

There is a fear if I cut it out I might be required to participate again and in that case get used and hurt and some how validate the crap said persons have put me through. Validate the lies the hurt the abuse, the crap! After all, why should I be the only one willing to admit and make amends? Why is it I am the only one that has to deal, face and “grow up”?

I read back, I know better, I know. I have worked recovery enough to know. I know for the LOVE OF GOD I KNOW! (yes, I am yelling. Screaming actually because it is very overwhelming.)

And in this knowing is chaos. Maybe I have become comfortable in it. I know what to expect. I am used to it. It is every single day. Maybe, just maybe I have never required anything different. Maybe some of this rests on me.

I have to address this until it is gone. I have to deal with it and yet in needing to start I don’t know where to start and then I don’t want to start. Not really. However, I know, that if I continue “using this drug” it will surely kill me, kill my dreams and my otherwise “healthy” relationships and poison my life source!

So ensues tossing and turning and the battle within my mind and heart and oh how thankful I am I can have real conversations with God and He hears me. I know that there is no condemnation. I know that grace abounds. I just have to decide to walk back out and be honest about what I see. Half the battle is in admitting and then comes the need to surrender.

It is the knowing I need to know that I need to know that I need to let it go.

I know! Did I already say that a few times. I KNOW!

I surrendered to the fact I wasn’t going to sleep last night and finally drifted off somewhere about 3. By 5:15 a.m. I was back awake and instantly my head was overwhelmed.

The cry of my heart today is pretty intimate. The requirements that are necessary for recovery will come with a price but, not as high as the cost if I don’t surrender and allow Him.

In my life I have learned when I don’t even know where to start just the name of Jesus is enough.

Jesus.

HEALER by Hillsong

Surrender by Marc James

Another blog about letting go.

Root of Bitterness bible study

Picture Credit

Outlook

prescottDay 12 Project 365

For days I have been getting message and after message about perspective and changing and why it is we repeat and repeat. So today I sat to listen to some TD JAKES and the message was on changing my outlook. So what follows in todays blog is my notes as I listened along with a link to the videos of the two messages this notes are from. The messages can be found under the POTTERS TOUCH tab at the top of the webpage.

TDJAKES Importance of Right Outlook

Mark 8:22-26
New International Version (NIV)
Jesus Heals a Blind Man at Bethsaida
22 They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. 23 He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”
24 He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.”
25 Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. 26 Jesus sent him home, saying, “Don’t even go into[a] the village.”

Could you be busy doing stuff that does not even matter, neglecting stuff you were created to do?
I pray that you get your head on straight because it isn’t what’s on the outside that is the problem. It is what is on the inside.

What did GOD hope for when He created me? What did he have in mind for me to do while I am here?

I pray that the eyes of your understanding might be enlightened, that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what you were created for, what He hoped for when He made you. That you might know the riches of inheritance. Your own hidden treasure hidden inside of you. What God placed what gifts lay inside of you.

There is treasure in your trash!

I want you to know what is the exceeding greatness of His power, if you only believe. How much power God when invest if you believe. He healed blind people over and over and over- he is not after disease on the outside he is about disease on the inside. How important it is to get your head on straight.

Your in-look determines your outlook!

Healing of blindness-not just physical but on the inside!

He doesn’t want us to develop a recipe for healing blindness- we all have different ways of coming to a moment of greatness where we see things and get it together. It can be that we have childish things in our lives while we pray adult prayers. Some of us are in the process of being healed while we are trying to heal everyone else. Could it be we have become a judge jury and hangman all while afflicted ourselves. It is much easier to fix someone else then fix ourselves.

One touch doesn’t always do it. One time might not always do it. Two might not be enough. We could be functioning up under a first touch experience.
Until the blind man sees in environment correctly his outlook will never change. First thing Jesus did was lead the blind man out of the city he had just be brought into. Why does Jesus turn around and walk the man out of where he just walked into? What do you want the blind man to see about his environment? Jesus brings the blind man out of the city and then says your healing will take nothing once I get you out of your environment. He used spit. His foolishness is better than the wisdom of this world. You are trying to have a GOD experience in a worldly environment- dab my world with religion and wonder why things don’t change. Jesus spat on him- there comes a time you don’t care what it takes to get out of your situation you simply want out.
When you are in trouble you can’t afford to be insulted. You just want out. You need the help too bad to be insulted. When you get in real trouble you no longer care- no more excuses- you get help at any cost. When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you get help at any cost. Desperation comes when you have been in the condition too long. You stop making excuses and blaming people. You say whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.

Help me!

Jesus spits in his eyes, lays hands on him and says what do you see?

Are you willing to challenge your perception?

He says Lord I see men walking as trees! He determines the depth of his inner healing by his outlook. How do you see people? Distrust, fear, anxiety, disdain, crave them, long for their approval? How you see them says something about your recovery. Why didn’t the man test his eyes on something else? Your outlook is a reflection of what is going on inside you. It is far more important to you then what you are looking it. Is the problem with the eyes or with from in. You can have a touch from GOD and still not have the right outlook. You can be saved and still not have recovery. This man has a legitimate experience with Christ that has made him better but not whole. This first stage of recovery represents most believers= better but not whole. The difference btwn better and whole is determined by outlook.

Jesus didn’t need to ask him a question to know the state of his recovery. He already knew. He has asked how are you doing and what do you see. He asked so the man could confess that one touch is not enough. I’m not what I ought to be but thank God I am not what I used to be. I have had a touch but my outlook is still not good. Why I am like this? Because I still don’t see people clearly.

Change your life change your mindset.

In spite of my past, my circumstances, my need, my lack, my afflictions, I still made it- FOCUS on that!
There is a they in your life- for the blind man they brought him to Jesus. Maybe for us it is a grandmother, a friend. Someone that brought us the first time.

A closed mind never receives anything from GOD. Perspective is everything! If you are disciplined in your perspective you will be victorious in your outcome.
It’s not what happens to you it’s about what you feel about what happens to you. Proper perspective is critical and takes discipline.
I’m saved but I’m still negative, I’m saved but I’m still controlling I am saved but I’m still…..Why ? Because I still don’t see people clearly.
If I get my outlook right you can’t stop me from being blessed. Discipline to hold on to your perspective. Be sober and vigilant. Your perspective is under attack. The enemy wants you to think you can’t.

DON’T ALLOW PEOPLE TO ANCHOR YOU DOWN AS AN ALBATROSS AROUND YOUR NECK AND LEAVE YOU LIMITED SO THEY CAN HAVE FELLOWSHIP AND YOU CAN HAVE FAILURE.

You must be new. Your perspective must be new. Newness begins inside then spreads to environment around you!

I know I need another touch because of how I see people, because of my outlook. I am still negative, unforgiving, controlling.

Do you want a miracle or are you satisfied to be half way there or do you want to be whole? Do you want it bad enough? I am glad for what you did but before you leave do it again! I need a touch! I need to be made WHOLE. My outlook is not right. If you walk away seeing men as trees you will contaminate everything you touch because you don’t not have the outlook that is necessary to move you into your destiny. If you think that where you have been hasn’t affected your outlook one touch won’t do you and you might just need to keep going back. Jesus looks at the man and says come here let me finish what I started. This time you don’t need a they. You come. You bring yourself. You know where you are. I am alpha and omega I am the beginning and the end I am the first and the last I didn’t bring you out of that mess to leave that mess in you.

Declaration of faith today- I am coming all the way out. I am getting my vision back, my outlook back, my integrity back. I am going to start doing the right things for the right reasons.

He didn’t spit the second time. He said you are close enough now I won’t have to do what I did the first time to finish doing what I started doing in your life. This time I am just going to lay my hands. I know you are close because you know where you are. He said Lord I want to be your disciple. To be a real disciple means I want to see like you see. I want to get your insight. I want to know what you think, measure my sight against your sight. Do those look like trees to you? Jesus said I need to lay hands on you again so you can see like I see. If you see what I see you can have what I have!
The devil tries to contaminate our outlook because our power is in our outlook!

The man is whole. Completely healed. He has the same vision as the Lord has.
DON’T GO BACK! Once your head is on straight don’t go back. You can go anywhere but backwards.

Photo Credit

REALLY?????

sign Day 9 Project 365

Some conversations really should not happen before I have had at least one cup of coffee.

Today is my anniversary! My husband and I have been together almost 13 years and married for 8 today! It has not always been easy but then again no relationships ever are. We are a blended family and that will forever be an adventure. Our relationship has taught me more about addictions than I ever thought I would know. Not only others addictions but my very own! That is for another blog but I think if you read back over my story you find bits and pieces of our testimony mixed in.

So this morning my blog really isn’t about my anniversary. It is about a conversation I had today and my thoughts. Warn ya know, it might be a rambling of things you already know but this is called a brain dump. An attempt to get it out of my head and proceed with my day without drawing a “HERE’S YOUR SIGN” sign and passing it around. (side note: I would have to take my turn wearing it too!)

Here goes. No names or real phrases will be used to protect the stupid and the views and comments to follow are completely mine and if they strike something in you good bad or ugly well….

We as addicts (and I believe we all have addiction issues) are addicted to a whole host of things not all of which have any thing to do with drugs or alcohol in the traditional sense of the words. I like wine but I could careless if I have wine. I have been drunk and done some pretty stupid “here’s your sign” things. I know where that kind of drinking takes me and so it is no longer a part of my life. Others may have a drug issue, illegal, prescribed or other wise. They chase a high or an escape or call it something else to make it okay! Some have a gambling problem. They will take their last fist full of money to get scratch offs or bingo or play slot machines. They will gamble in a different way even by spending like they have it knowing they don’t avoiding the moment and making a problem worse. Then there are those that are addicted to shopping and that could mean a trip to the mall with lots of packages or the UPS or FEDX driver slipping your stuff between your doors while you hide it so no one knows you got another “hit”. Some are addicted to sex and sex at all costs. Regardless of who it hurts and if it breaks a vow or the law. Still for others it is pain. They cut and mutilate their bodies to escape feeling or to feel. Some are addicted to food. It is that temporary yummy feeling followed by this deep sense of what have I done as the number on the scale goes up and your self-esteem plunges. Or the food takes anther twist and is the enemy and no matter how thin you really are you are fat and no good and the game turns the tables on you and you are stick and dying. Some are addicted to people (boy do I know this one) because after all in fixing or worrying about everyone else we get a false sense of who we are and feel better for the moment. We people please and in turn find the exact opposite of what we are looking for because we find we are never enough. And what about chaos? Addiction to the addiction, to the chaos, the never-ending problem! To the fight, the argument, the hate, the past, the memory, the un-forgiveness. When things are going good we are good then out of no where we set ourselves up for failure. Things start looking right and we step a little to close to the edge. We walk away from one slippery slope and when another appears dressed in a different “dysfunction” we know we shouldn’t do it but tend not to care because it fills some momentary need we have and thus signals the addiction we have to chaos.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over. We expect a different result and get none!

We end one bad relationship. We stop the pills. The drinking. The lying. The sneaking. We address the issue. We get help. Go to meetings. Find God. Start a new.

Then something happens and in that moment we start to slip into that “only one won’t hurt me” and whatever it is starts to have a hold. No maybe it isn’t the same “DRUG OF CHOICE!” but still, what was feeling good and new and right for the first time starts feeling “off” and we have to make justifications for it, we have to sneak or hide or look over our shoulder or even argue with our selves so we believe in our own minds that what we are doing is okay or not hurting anyone or justified. We had a chance to break a generational curse but now we packaged it in something different. We are crazy if we don’t think others our watching, especially the children. If allowed to continue we start to withdraw and things change. The “well at least I am not “fill in your old addiction” comments have now gone away because you have a new one. You have replaced one for another and expect a different result or someone to approve of it or allow you to justify it so it will be okay.

So, and I will speak for myself, when I ask you if what I am doing is wrong and you know it is wrong it is okay to tell me. When I ask you if I should do what you know sounds like the right thing to do it is okay for you to tell me. If I think and proceed to come up with excuses to keep myself in a place that is not right it is okay to say “well then, Here is your sign!.

And if I do ask someone if something is wrong and they say yes they feel it is I can’t get mad. Chances are they are right and if I am honest I already knew they were right even before I asked. If what I am really looking for is someone to justify and agree with my choices well then I should go find an addict that is in that same place because misery loves company. If what I am really looking for is accountability and I have found it then I can’t get mad. I may not like the way the truth rests in my ears and then penetrates my head and heart but then again, I knew that too didn’t I.

We taste freedom and what the hell is it that keeps up going back like a dog to our vomit. Finally start to get our lives back together, break the hold, get the free pass AGAIN and no jail, get a chance to do over with our families, our children. Get the new job and a driver’s license back. Get out of debate and don’t have to file bankruptcy. Get out from under the bookie and pay off the loan. We finally start losing weight and feeling better. We get a glimpse of healthy and freedom and then………………..BAM.

NEWS FLASH: The grass may be greener now but it could be painted to look that way. They have weeds over there too! They seasons will change and the grass will die. There is no fairy that waters, mows, edges and trims. If that grass is real then someone has to be doing something. GET REAL!

So today is about avoiding the BAM! It is about hearing the truth and finally figuring out how to let it set you free. It is about seeing with your eyes wide open that every action has a reaction. And once you step, well, what happens next could save your life or take it.

PERSONALLY- I have had 2 cups of coffee now and a great conversation were I had to do some eating of crow which tastes horrible by the way. I was ushered away for speaking a truth I myself needed to hear.

Time to step and towards LIFE!

Maybe you are in a place today you don’t even know where to start. I want to share some links with you:

Great song about Letting GO!

In Hampton Roads Virginia contact RECOVERY FOR LIFE

Counseling across the country

This blog today has run circles around my heart and my mind and I know the enemy of our souls wants to make us feel alone, defeated, worthless and like no one can possibly understand. It is in getting us to isolate and justify and give up that he thinks “he has us right where he wants us”. So if you are reading this today and you need help or prayer or someone to listen or some one to help you find a resource to finally step toward LIFE please message me and let me know. I pray that like has happened to me today God speaks to your heart and even if you don’t know what His voice sounds like you will be moved to make a step toward life.